We Goin’ Sizzler – Week 4

The dreaded DIVISION D week 4 recap, where we sadly say goodbye to the 0-4-0 teams. Well, not so much a goodbye, more of a gag you and lock you up in the basement. Some will escape by the end of the season, most will just be back next season with the optimism of a new season.

Anyways, that got dark quickly, let’s get to the sizzle!

We begin with the Johnny Utah: There were many options this week but we have to go with BRAD EVANS. Going 19 for 27 with 182 yards, 6 TDs and 0 INTs, BRAD hit five different receivers for TDs. The game itself was not close, as PARDON MY SWAG schooled LOYOLA 39 – 12. PARDON MY SWAG are 2-1-0 and sit comfortably in 6^th spot of Conference B. LOYOLA are 0-3-0, their bye week saves them from the basement but they need to turn it around quickly.

Next, we have this week’s Rod Tidwell: Now, my picks are not an exact science but coming out with the W is a criterion I consider. Having said that, the award goes to DYLAN GARBER who caught 8 passes on 8 targets for 114 yards and 3 TDs. DYLAN had 114 of the team’s 191 yards offensively, help me help you?! The performance lead to a win as TRAPSTARS edged out MEAN GIRLS 39 – 30, there’s a joke here I’m just not going to make. I could mention some performances in the losing effort but I won’t, YOU PLAY TO WIN THE GAME! MEAN GIRLS are 0-3-0 but have been in every game so count on them to win soon.

The Earl Megget goes to ALEXANDRE FAFARD, making the Mean Machine proud. ALEXANDRE ran twice for a total of 57 yards and 1 very decisive TD, as LOS SIETE AMIGOS held on to beat TOPSZN 41 – 35. This game was closer than expected as LOS SIETE AMIGOS are 3-0-0 and TOPSZN are 1-2-0. Holy Guacamole, do I smell a weakness in LOS SIETE AMIGOS?

On defense, the Stefan Djordjevic goes to ANTHONY MUNGIOVI who had 2 INTs, one of which was a pick 6. This guy is in his rookie season and is already 4-0-0. The performance was much needed as BLACKOUTS almost dropped the ball against the weaker LES BLUES BRANLEURS. In the end, they won 31 – 29 and hopefully learned not to take anyone lightly. LES BLUES BRANLEURS are 0-3-0 and one week away from being in my basement.

This week’s Bobby Boucher: GABRIEL WISEMAN pressured the QB for 4 SKs and forced 3 INTs. This guy is also a QB, HE CAN DO IT, he can do it all. This game was never in doubt as the mighty BRUINS 3-0-0 mauled LOCKDOWN 1-2-0, 34 – 6. The BRUINS look unstoppable putting up 30+ points three games straight. LOCKDOWN on the other hand put up their lowest offensive output this week and will look to bounce back next week with a much-needed win.

Lastly, the Becky ‘Icebox’ O’Shea for best 2-way performance goes to WILLIAM POWER who had 2 SKs, 1 PD, and 6 catches on 8 targets for 65 yards and 2 TDs. A regular day at the office as WILLIAM helped HOT SAUCE SPORTS to an easy win, wait a minute, not such an easy win over BALLIN 60’S. Not sure what happened here but HOT SAUCE SPORTS 3-0-0 should have destroyed BALLIN 60’S 0-3-0, instead they held on for the 26 – 19 win.

I had predicted the FIGHTING ILLINI vs VOODOO would be the Game of the Week. It was good but FIGHTING ILLINI put up a goose egg in the second half and VOODOO won comfortably 26 – 12. In reconsideration, I didn’t have to look far for the Game of the Week, REPLACEMENTS 24 – VULTURES 25. You might be thinking, sure it was close but the better team won in the end. True, but what you won’t see is that REPLACEMENTS scored on the last play of the game and down by 1, they decided to go for a 2 XP convert. The ball was thrown into the corner of the endzone, in and out of a REPLACEMENTS receiver. What more can you ask from a game? Great job BENJAMIN MCMAHON, who found a way to win with his arm in this one.

Now, for Teoli’s FPF Almanac 2021.

PARDON MY SWAG 2-1-0 vs PD’S AND NEGRONIS 0-4-0

Give me PARDON MY SWAG in this one as PD’S AND NEGRONIS are the first team to be locked in my basement. Will they get out in time? Seriously though, JORDAN MCINNIS woke up last week and BRAD EVANS is playing stellar. Look for PARDON MY SWAG to win big.

TOPSZN 1-2-0 vs THE LEFTOVERS 1-3-0

Who’s going to win this one? Who cares? Am I right? Too harsh? What’s really harsh is how LEFTOVERS were a no-show for their game last week, C’mon Man! TOPSZN looked good in their recent loss and might be turning things around. Give me TOPSZN in this one.

LOYOLA 0-3-0 vs LOS SIETE AMIGOS 3-0-0

Not sure what to write here. In a large mixing bowl, whisk together 1 cup flour and 2 eggs. Gradually add in ½ cup milk, stirring to combine. Add ¼ teaspoon salt 2 tablespoons butter; beat until smooth. Heat a lightly oiled frying pan over medium high heat. Pour the batter onto the pan, using approximately 1/4 cup for each crepe. Cook the crepe for about 2 minutes. Turn and cook the other side. Serve hot. LOS SIETE AMIGOS win this one big.

KISS MY END ZONE 1-1-1 vs SPERA’S LEGION 1-2-0

KISS MY END ZONE are like Jekyll and Hyde this year, you never know who is going to show up. SPERA’S LEGION are coming off two tough losses but I see them bouncing back in this one. Give me SPERA’S LEGION is a very close game.

VULTURES 3-1-0 vs THE STOICS 1-2-0

THE STOICS came up short last week and will be looking to bounce back, the game plan is no secret here, stop VULTURES run game. If DENZEL EADIE-LOWE and HENRY ‘JEAN-CLAUDE VAN’ DAM can keep BENJAMIN MCMAHON in the pocket, they have a chance to get the win. Give me THE STOICS!

TRAPSTARS 2-1-0 vs REPLACEMENTS 0-3-0

TRAPSTARS are coming off two wins but they have not looked convincing, especially on defense. REPLACEMENTS have been getting better every week but are still looking for their first W. Just picking my team is not enough here so if REPLACEMENTS lose this one, I will post a pic of myself in the shower. REPLACEMENTS shut down DYLAN GARBER and win, fingers crossed.

JOHNNY FIREBALL 4-0-0 vs GLOGANG 2-1-0

GLOGANG have been playing really well the last two games but they haven’t faced a team like JOHNNY FIREBALL. GLOGANG just don’t have enough experience in the league to pull this one off. Look for JOHNNY FIREBALL to continue the two QB approach and the jump balls in the endzone. JOHNNY FIREBALL for the win.

VOODOO 3-1-0 vs AROUCH 2-1-0

AROUCH have a flattering record with one win coming from a forfeit and the other coming off a LOYOLA win. They just don’t have the weapons to keep up the likes of KEVIN MARCIL. Give me VOODOO to win this one by at least three TDs.

LOCKDOWN 0-2-1 vs MEAN GIRLS 0-3-0

Sure, none of these teams have a win yet and this may look like two bottom dwellers but LOCKDOWN have had a very difficult schedule. I see BUCK ANEER controlling this game and coming out with the win for LOCKDOWN. MEAN GIRLS will be in my basement by next week.

BRUINS 3-0-0 vs BALLIN 60’S 0-3-0

I already posted a crepes recipe so not sure what to say here. BRUINS are a top team and will stack their stats this week vs BALLIN 60’S who just don’t have the two-way players needed to win this one. BRUINS win big.

THE NEW GUYS 3-0-0 vs CLINKERS 1-2-0

THE NEW GUYS are undefeated but they did not look good in their last game, allowing 32 points from a bottom dweller. CLINKERS have the experience but they can’t seem to find the pivotal third TD in a game. Whoever scored the third TD in this on will win. Give me CLINKERS!

HOT SAUCE SPORTS 3-0-0 vs TOUGH LUNGS 1-2-0

Records don’t show the full story here. TOUGH LUNGS have had three close games versus relatively good teams. HOT SAUCE SPORTS are rolling but their last game was less than impressive. Will they bounce back or do they need a wake-up call? Give me TOUGH LUNGS for the surprise win.

BLACKOUTS 4-0-0 vs FIGHTING ILLINI 1-2-0

FIGHTING ILLINI started the season so well but have dropped out of the top 6. BLACKOUTS are the favorites to win it all, there I said it. I’m hoping FIGHTING ILLINI will show up in this one, make it interesting and fine tune some issues because I do believe they are a playoff team. BLACKOUTS for the win but it won’t be a massacre.

TUTS AND PARLAYS 2-1-0 vs LES BLUES BRANLEURS 0-3-0

I was ready to count LES BLUES BRANLEURS down and out but then they came within two of beating BLACKOUTS, very impressive. TUTS AND PARLEYS have two wins but have not scored more than 21 in a game. LES BLUES BRANLEURS have proved they can score and they will get their first win this week!

Playoffs, we talkin ‘bout playoffs!

Let’s take a week 4 look at the playoff picture.

Conference A:

1. JOHNNY FIREBALL (4-0-0)
2. BRUINS (3-0-0)
3. HOT SAUCE SPORTS (3-0-0)
4. VULTURES (3-1-0)

THE STOICS drop out of contention and the top 4 goes unchanged. Look for JOHNNY FIREBALL AND BRUINS to stay at the top, HOT SAUCE SPORTS risk dropping out of the top 3. VULTURES, GLOGANG, and TRAPSTARS can climb the table if they can win this week.

Conference B:

1. BLACKOUTS (4-0-0)
2. THE NEW GUYS (3-0-0)
3. VOODOO (3-1-0)
4. LOS SIETE AMIGOS (3-0-0)

No major changes, LOS SIETE AMIGOS win but drop to 4^th, interesting. VOODOO jump up to top 3 with an impressive victory. BLACKOUTS will stay on top but THE NEW GUYS risk dropping if they can’t secure the points this weekend. Look for PARDON MY SWAG to jump up the table.

The playoff dates are out! For Div D we have the divisional round on September 9th, quarterfinals September 12th, semifinals September 19th, and finals September 26th.

Looking forward to week 5, it is difficult to predict which game will excite the most. We have HOT SAUCE SPORTS vs TOUGH LUNGS and THE NEW GUYS vs CLINKERS that both look promising. Both games are Sunday July 25^th at 9pm Lachine (1)(3).

Until next week, Pain Heals. Chicks Dig Scars. Glory Lasts Forever.

Frank ‘Falco’ Teoli