We Goin’ Sizzler – The Absolute Very Last 2022 Div 5 Regular Season Article

Welcome back, just one week left. Some teams have already signed their fate and played their 10 games, others have one game left that can make the difference and get them into the playoffs. We recap week 10 results and take a look at week 11 matchups. We will also take a look at the Div 5A and 5B playoff picture.

Division 5 predictions came in 4 for 4 which didn’t surprise me since I didn’t really pick any underdogs. We start with LONGHORNS vs STEP BROS, even though both teams had the same record going into the game, these teams are headed in different directions. LONGHORNS win their last game of the season 43-22 and finish with a (4-6-0) record. NICHOLAS DI MAULO had a great game going 16 for 27 with 158 YDs, 4 TDs, 2 INTs and 2 rushing TDs. MIKE HARPER helped out on defense with 2 INTs in a win that was never in danger. STEP BROS lose again, that is 4 in a row and drops them to a (3-7-0) record.

No real surprise as BALLZ DEEP defeat BUFFALO WILD WINGS 38-7. JUSTIN WEIR had a monster game going 19 for 22 with 200 YDs and 6 TDs, MATTHEW PEACOCK brought in 3 of those TDs, while RYAN DOBBS-GARNETT brought in another 2 TDs in what was a clutch offensive performance. The win brings BALLZ DEEP to a (7-2-0) record with one game left versus the GHOSTS. On the losing end, BUFFALO WILD WINGS drop to (1-7-1) and will look to at least end their 6 game losing streak versus BACKWOODS FC.

LOCKDOWN end the season with a 38-25 win over NOT MUSTANGS and finish with a great (9-1-0) record. BUCK ANEER had a worldly game going 18 for 23 with 205 YDs and 6 TDs. RHYS MORGAN-TRACY led the way with 82 YDs and 2 TDs and JOHN MICHAEL ANFOSSI followed with 40 YDs and 2 TDs of his own. LOCKDOWN will look to improve their defense headed into the playoffs. NOT MUSTANGS end the season with a (3-7-0) record, we will see if that is enough for a playoff spot.

In a massacre, AIR FORCE 1 demolished BINES 50-0. An easy day at the office for SIMON BLAIS who went 16 for 25 with 135 YDs, 5 TDs and a rushing TD. MANU ALLARD-ROY brought in 3 TDs but just as impressive was the defense with 5 INTs in the game. The win takes AIR FORCE 1 to a record of (8-1-0) with one more contest against WHAT COULD HAVE BEENS. On the losing end, BINES fall to (4-6-0) and will be waiting for a playoff opponent.

Before we move on, it is worth mentioning a surprising result. KINGS OF THE NORTH narrowly defeated VULTURES 2.0 26-24. In a close contest JEAN-MICHEL BEAUDIN had to be nearly perfect and he was, going 13 for 25 with 176 YDs, 4 TDs, and 0 INTs. DANY OSTIGUY also played a big part, catching 7 passes for 73 YDs and 2 TDs. The win takes KINGS OF THE NORTH TO (3-5-0) and they will have two pivotal games this week to end the season. VULTURES 2.0 fall to (4-5-0) and have a tough match up versus the RAVENS to end the season.

Let’s get to the sizzle!

Jimmy Dix: JOEL HOULE went 17 for 23 with 207 YDs and 6 TDs as the RAVENS doubled BACKWOODS FC 41-20. JOEL made easy work of the BACKWOODS FC defense by finding his main target JUSTIN SARLABOUS 5 times for 73 YDs and 4 TDs. The performance brings JOEL to 1400+ YDs and 35 TDs this season. RAVENS have one more game before the playoffs as they look to finish (9-1-0).

Deacon Moss: NICOLAS FORTIN had 5 catches on 6 targets for 110 YDs and 3 TDs as his SAN FRANCISCO 69ERS fell to the COOKERS 36-28. NICOLAS did his part by putting up great numbers, even if it wasn’t enough to carry the team to a win, the individual accolade cannot go unnoticed. SAN FRANCISCO 69ERS are out of the playoffs with a record of (0-9-0) and will look to end the season with a win over the REPLACEMENTS.

Brian ‘Smash’ Williams: ANTOINE RICHARD ran 4 times for 83 YDs and 2 TDs as THREAT LEVEL MIDNIGHT fell to BINES 25-12. After struggling at QB, ANTOINE decided to run it into the end zone twice to keep the game close at halftime 13-12. Unfortunately, BINES figured him out in the second half and shut him down. Still a great performance when you are responsible for all your team’s points. THREAT LEVEL MIDNIGHT fall to (3-6-0) and will be hoping for a win versus the RED DRAGONS to squeak into the playoffs.

Trumaine: The whole AIR FORCE 1 defense wins this one as they came up with 5 INTs. XAVIER COLLETTE led the way with 2 INTs, and PHIL ANGERS, SAMUEL LEBLANC, CHRIS VAN OORDT all had 1 INT as AIR FORCE 1 decimated BINES 50-0.

Steve Lattimer: VALENTIN SKRYPNIK blew up for 6 SKs in a nail biter as STREETS AHEAD defeated the GHOSTS 32-31. The constant pressure played a big part as STREETS AHEAD came back in the second half to get the win. The win brings STREETS AHEAD to a record of (4-5-0) and will face THE R.E.E.T. in week 11. VALENTIN SKRYPNIK sits tied for third among the SK leaders in Div 5A. Keep an eye on this guy come playoff time, as he tends to blow up in bunches.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

The Good: WUBBA LUBBA DUB WS 26-27 METAVERSE

This was a great game that went back and forth until the very end. WUBBA LUBBA DUB WS scored late in the second half, JARED BUCK to BENJAMIN BOURQUE for a 26 YD TD to take a 5 point lead. METAVERSE answered back with a 5 play scoring drive, capped by a JONATHAN PEREZ 8 YD TD pass to NOAH GROPER. NOAH had a great game with 3 receiving TDs. WUBBA LUBBA DUB WS were left with only 2 plays and came up just short, but not by lack of effort. They stand at (5-4-0) with one game left versus the DILFS. We haven’t mentioned METAVERSE in a while but this win brings them to a very impressive (8-1-0) with their last match up against LOS BANDITOS.

The Bad: BINES 0-50 AIR FORCE 1

The BINES laid a fatty in this one big time. From beginning to end they just could not get anything going, their first drive ending with an INT and their last drive ending with a SK. In the end QB DAVID MICHAUD had only 6 completions on 17 attempts for a shocking 16 YDs, 0 TDs, and 5 INTs. The receiving core did not help out with guys like JÉRÔME BARDIES catching only 1 of 5 attempts and the defense was non existent, coming up with 0 INTs and 0 SKs. On a positive note, BINES did physically show up for this game and they did win their second game of the night.

The Ugly: DILFS and TRAILER PARK BOYS

Yup, you guessed it. As we get to the last week of the season we have the dreaded NO SHOWS. DILFS did not show up for their game versus THE MIGHTY 6. I’ve said it before and I’m sure I’ll say it again, just get someone off the streets, at the local bar BISTRO LACHINE (ask for Frank the vampire), or see if someone wants to play a double heady. The point is, try anything possible not to ruin your opponent’s individual stats. In this case, QB OLIVIER CLAVEAU might not reach 1000+ YDs, WR RAPHAEL GENTILE might not reach 400+ YDs, and XAVIER TRAN-KHANH might not get to 15 SKs on the season. TRAILER PARK BOYS were also NO SHOWS against TEAM SEXY probably preventing QB BENJAMIN BERBRIER from hitting 25 TDs on the season and denying WR SAM ANASTASOPOULOS from being the Division leader in YDs and TDs. A real shame for guys that were having great seasons.

Teoli’s FPF Almanac 2021

METAVERSE (8-1-0) vs LOS BANDITOS (5-4-0)

BALLZ DEEP (7-2-0) vs GHOSTS (5-4-0)

SAN FRANCISCO 69ERS (0-9-0) vs REPLACEMENTS (1-8-0)

THREAT LEVEL MIDNIGHT (3-6-0) vs RED DRAGONS (4-5-0)

Expect an article soon as we will finalize playoff spots after week 11 and break down all the matchups in both Div 5A and 5B. We will also take a look at all the season leaders, get your popcorn ready.

Until next week, Pain Heals. Chicks Dig Scars. Glory Lasts Forever.

Frank ‘Falco’ Teoli