We Goin’ Sizzler – Straight to Business, Jumps, Drops, and Shocks

Welcome back, can’t believe we are already at week 8. It is a pivotal time of the season, where every point is important for teams battling for a Division 5 playoff spot. Who jumped up? Who dropped? Find out believe as last week saw some shocking results.

We begin with last week’s Division 5 predictions, 4 out of 4, no surprises here. METAVERSE took care of business and preyed on the LONGHORNS, defeating them 18-12. JONATHAN PEREZ had 3 TDs in the game and 0 INTs, an important stat considering LONGHORNS QB NICHOLAS DI MAULO also had 0 INTs. In a well balanced match that saw both offenses do well, it was the defensive presence of NOAH GROPER, with 3 SKs, that made the difference in this one. The win brings METAVERSE to a record of (6-1-0) as they hold on to first spot in the 5A SOUTH CONFERENCE. With the loss, LONGHORNS lose momentum and drop to a record of (2-5-0) which puts them right outside a playoff spot.

Secondly, GOOFY GOOBERS win again, that is four in a row. They squeaked out LOS BANDITOS 23-20. The dreaded XP conversions made the difference in this one as GOOFY GOOBERS went 3 for 3. These teams are very much the mirror image of each other. Both teams have reliable QBs in RUSSELL SCHWARTZ and FRANCIS DESROCHERS; averaging a 58% completion rating, 3 to 4 TDs per game, 1 INT per game, 11 to 12 YDs per reception. Both teams have their go to receivers in MIKEY SCHWARTZ and VINCENT BENJAMIN; 300 YDs, 8 TDs. Defensively GOOFY GOOBERS are just better and their (5-2-0) record shows it versus the (3-4-0) record of LOS BANDITOS. Don’t hold me to that come playoff time because this is a possible playoff rematch in the making.

Next, we have LOCKDOWN who came from behind to defeat THREAT LEVEL MIDNIGHT 25-13, that makes it 7! At (7-0-0) LOCKDOWN top the 5B WEST CONFERENCE and are the clear favorites to win it all. BUCK ANEER (look up his profile picture) threw 3 TDs in this contest, all to RHYS MORGAN-TRACY who finished with 63 YDs. The defense chipped in 2 INTs and 4 SKs, a complete performance. THREAT LEVEL MIDNIGHT have now lost 5 in a row and sit just outside a playoff spot with a record of (2-5-0).

Finally, LE SPEAKEASY were in a dog fight, tied at 12 at halftime versus TEAM SEXY. LE SPEAKEASY managed to pull away in the second half and pick up the 19-12 win. Four in a row now, they sit at the top of the 5B EAST CONFERENCE with a record of (7-1-0). QB VINCENT RICHARD has stepped in nicely for MATHIEU OUIMET and had 3 TDs in this one. Defensively, SIMON GAUTHIER had the 1 INT needed to make the difference. TEAM SEXY have lost three in a row now that teams have learned to double team SAM ANASTASOPOULOS. Even the return of BENJAMIN BERBRIER, after a two game hiatus, was not enough in this contest. At (3-4-0) TEAM SEXY are barely holding on to a playoff spot but still have time to turn things around.

On to the shocking results, KINGS OF THE NORTH (2-4-0) had a big second half and defeated the (5-2-0) BALLZ DEEP 25-24. HUGO QUINTIN had a good game going 13 for 20 with 110 YDs, 3 TDs, and 1 pivotal rushing TD. The BALLZ DEEP loss shakes things up in the 5A WEST CONFERENCE creating a three-way tie for top spot.

The (2-5-0) COOKERS handily defeated the (4-2-0) WHAT COULD HAVE BEENS 33-13. GUILLAUME PICHE stepped in at QB with 5 TDs and the defense played stupendous to keep WHAT COULD HAVE BEENS to only 13 points. The win puts COOKERS in the last playoff spot, they will have their hands full trying to hold onto it. The loss for WHAT COULD HAVE BEENS creates a three-way tie in the 5B NORTH CONFERENCE, with AIR FORCE 1 (remember them) ready to take over.

Let’s get to the sizzle!

Jimmy Dix: JOEL HOULE exploded this past week going 14 for 17 with 292 TDs and 8 TDs. A big performance for a team that stumbled with two losses in a row and are now back on track with two wins in a row. The performance comes against a good BUFFALO WILD WINGS as RAVENS win 55-14. The win brings the RAVENS to a record of (5-2-0) and puts them in a three-way tie in the 5A WEST CONFERENCE. The loss for BUFFALO WILD WINGS takes them to (1-5-1) and all but eliminates them from playoff contention. With this performance JOEL HOULE has hit 1200 YDs and 30 TDs on the season.

Deacon Moss: In the same game, VINCENT PEDNEAULT had 7 catches on 8 targets for a whopping 189 YDs and 5 TDs. A great individual performance considering that he was known as the RAVENS main receiving target before the game. VINCENT PEDNEAULT has been having a decent season but this is his first game with over 100 YDs. The performance brings him to over 400 YDs and 12 TDs on the season.

Brian ‘Smash’ Williams: ANTOINE MEUNIER ran 5 times for 74 YDs, that comes to an average of 14.8 YDs per attempt and 338 YDs on the season. The performance led TRAILER PARK BOYS to a 33-13 over the REPLACEMENTS. TRAILER PARK BOYS take it to three wins in a row and move up to (4-3-0), two points up on the last playoff spot. The REPLACEMENTS are without their main QB, upper body injury, and drop to (1-6-0), they need two wins for a chance at a playoff spot.

Trumaine: PHIL ANGERS came up with 4 INTs this past week and returned on to the house as AIR FORCE 1 blanked the WARRIORS 24-0. The performance continues PHIL ANGERS hot streak as he has all of his 7 INTs in the last two games. The win takes the red hot AIR FORCE 1 to (4-1-0) and with their Covid restrictions, they will need to continue this streak in a hectic busy schedule. The WARRIORS drop to (3-3-0) and hold on to the last playoff spot with a game in hand.

Steve Lattimer: ANAI TAYLOR comes into the division with a 4 SK, 1 PD performance to help SAVE A HORSE get the 43-12 over the SAN FRANCISCO 69ERS. Although this was ANAI TAYLOR‘s first season game, he did manage 11 SKs and 4 PDs in the 2021 FPF CUP for SAVE A HORSE. SAVE A HORSE move to (4-3-0) and have a solid hold on the second spot of the 5B WEST CONFERENCE. SAN FRANCISCO 69ERS drop to (0-7-0).

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

The Good: THE MIGHTY 6 25-28 GHOSTS

In this 5A EAST CONFERENCE matchup between number one and number two, it was the GHOSTS who came out on top. The GHOSTS were led by WR TAHNYUS STEER who had 6 catches on 7 targets for 106 YDs and 1 TD while QB JAHMAAL ROACH had 168 YDs and 4 TDs. The GHOSTS get some separation at (5-2-0) and need one more win to clinch first. THE MIGHTY 6 put up a good fight, led by their defense which had 3 SKs and 2 INTs. The game came down to a bad snap which resulted in a safety, OLIVIER CLAVEAU came back with a TD pass to RAPHAEL GENTILE but it was just too late. THE MIGHTY 6 drop to (3-4-0) and hold onto fifth spot.

The Bad: BACKWOODS FOOTBALL CLUB 24-0 STEP BROS

STEP BROS continue to be very inconsistent (W-W-L-L-L-W-L) and drop to (3-4-0) with this loss. Not only a loss but a shut out, STEP BROS have to be better. QB JÉRÉMY DESCHAMPS only had 77 YDs with 2 INTs in this contest, WR STEVEN BRYNZYLA had 0 receptions on 4 targets, and the defense had 0 SKs, 1 INT. It is clear they were not in this contest. Sadly, their next two games are against top quality opponents but maybe this Jekyll and Hyde team can surprise us. BACKWOODS FOOTBALL CLUB rise to (5-2-0) and look really good.

The Ugly: COOKERS 33-13 WHAT COULD HAVE BEENS

WHAT COULD HAVE BEENS are playing down to their name by giving up top spot. QB DANIEL BOBIS only had 9 completions for 71 YDs in this one, the offense was just stagnant. Defensively too, they were not able to turn their 4 PDs into anything constructive. After a four game winning streak, this loss hurts. The question is, is this just a fluke loss or is the cream (AIR FORCE 1) rising to the top? Mad props to COOKERS who will look to repeat this recipe for victory.

Teoli’s FPF Almanac 2021

VULTURES 2.0 (3-4-0) vs BACKWOODS FOOTBALL CLUB (5-2-0)

GHOSTS (5-2-0) vs RAVENS (5-2-0)

AIR FORCE 1 (4-1-0) vs SAVE THE TURFTLES (3-4-0)

WARRIORS (3-3-0) vs SAVE A HORSE (4-3-0)

Until next week, Pain Heals. Chicks Dig Scars. Glory Lasts Forever.

Frank ‘Falco’ Teoli