Two Divisions, Four Elite 8 lists and 40 Teams Analyzed

Peeze’s Playbook

Week 1

By Paolo Della Rocca

The name LaVar Ball has become part of our sports lexicon over the past few months. He is definitely polarizing and often viewed negatively. I will say that the launch of the upcoming Baller Brand shoe label provides an interesting case study.

I do not want to look at this espousing the virtues of his involvement in his son’s career or championing the cause against his method of parenting. I also do not wish to evaluate his egregious claims as it truly does not matter whether anyone thinks they can beat Michael Jordan in a game of 1-on-1. I want to look at the business decision surrounding the launch of the aforementioned shoe.

For those who aren’t aware, LaVar Ball is the father of NBA draft prospect and former UCLA player Lonzo Ball. He has brought a great deal of attention to himself and his family for his outlandish behavior. His quotes seem to have disrupted what many view as the sanctity of sports and has since become the centre of criticism surrounding the release of Lonzo Ball’s shoe and clothing brand.

The price point for the shoe has had everyone talking. After meeting with the big shoe companies (Nike/Jordan, Under Armor, Addidas, etc.) the Ball family decided to balk at the offers that are typical, standard endorsement deals (roughly $2 million a year). LaVar Ball, the player’s father and family spokesperson, announced that the Balls would be launching their own shoe priced to retail at USD $495 for a shoe that will only be available in November.

This has angered the Internet. Memes have been flying, people have been posting and reposting. Yet all this has done is create free advertising for a company who would otherwise have no money to advertise their product. Ball and company have not released sales numbers yet, but Darren Rovell has reported that the Big Baller Brand has sold close to 5,000 orders (including T-shirts and all other items manufactured by the company). What is interesting of course is that we are nowhere close to the actual release date. However, after consulting with a former fashion consultant (who I happen to live with), it appears that it takes no less than four months to start production on a line of shoes. By then of course, the Big Baller Brand will have order statistics and will be able to more accurately project future sales. It also gives the company some capital to work with before they even go into production. While this is typical for a small business, it is being done very publicly and on a much larger scale than your local boutique jewelry store.

Having looked into the business element, I did want to look further at a cultural issue that this presents. For some reason, this has angered people and been the source of mockery from the beginning. Some would say that LaVar Ball is exploiting his children. Yet other parents who allow their NBA children to sign endorsement deals that will pay them millions of dollars while the company makes billions are applauded. It seems not to bother anyone that the NCAA and television networks exploit these players for free content. Instead, what seems to bother everyone is that this man went against the system that has been in place and instead has bet on his children and his family.

It’s funny that media members who proclaim to be a breath of fresh air all have a similar take and push out the same stale air that has touched the lips of others who are seemingly as short-sighted. It seems odd to support the giant companies who make billions rather than the person who had the guile to challenge the standard. While I’m not using this as blanket support for everything LaVar Ball has said and done, I will say that at the root this is a father who believes so strongly in his son that he has decided to completely defy the status quo. For that matter, Lonzo Ball is being perceived as a witless lap dog. In reality, much like his father, Lonzo is betting on himself. This takes a lot of courage for a 19-year-old who is otherwise having millions of dollars waved in his face. The price point: $495. This has drawn a lot of ire. “Who do you think you are?” is the sentiment that I see across social media. This is private industry; he can charge whatever he likes for his shoe. If he does not sell any, then his company will pay the price. For those unwilling to spend that kind of scratch on shoes (myself included – I go to the Nike outlet and choose between the three pairs listed at $49.95) then just buy another pair of your choosing.

In the end, I don’t admire the person, but I do admire the act. Heading into this FPF season bet on yourselves, your teammates, your odd jersey designs. Have a great time and remember that the teams were built to compete by people who had trust in their friends and the five other guys in the huddle. Have a great season everyone.

Dramatis Personae

For those not familiar with Latin or who have never held a playbill in their hands, this section is to offer a quick introduction to the people responsible for the media content for this division. I will list them and then craft a series of lies so that the actual content in each paragraph becomes a veritable Where’s Waldo.

Peeze: If you’ve played in FPF for some time I may be familiar to you. You may have loved or hated my columns in a variety of divisions. My perspective is somewhat different from traditional sports media because, for the most part, traditional sports media drives me nuts. I try to take the long view on things and I hope to provide an angle that may not have been considered.

I also write one of the league-wide articles that should appear somewhere between five to seven times this season covering a variety of topics that may be of general interest in the league. I will also go off on rants that are generally not related to football. However, while each segment will not appeal to everyone, I do try to reach as diverse a readership as possible by writing segments that a variety of people will enjoy.

My FPF media roots were sewn in Division 5 and Division D. I now realize that that may be perceived as innuendo, and yet I regret nothing.

Being very secure with my position in the league, I do invite criticism (both passionate and constructive, unfounded or well researched). In the end this media product is for you, the players of FPF. Feel free to find me at the fields and talk to me about what I can improve on, your team, your history and why you make an interesting FPF story. You can also message me on Facebook @ Peeze Della Reeze or criticize me publicly by tweeting me @PeezeFPF. If there is enough hate mail I will likely turn it into a segment in this article. For the moment, I can say that I’m happy to be covering the largest division in the sport and I look forward to watching your games all season long!

Moe Khan: So Division D has the benefit of having a professional broadcaster cover the division during the weekly podcasts. Moe is astute, scorekeeps and watches more FPF than anyone else on Earth. He also misuses the English language from time to time and with any luck he will be challenged on it from time to time.

Alexander Holowach: The aging but still “Young Holow” is an up-and-coming star in FPF. He is already known as one of the next wave of quarterbacks set to take over the league. He is also charming, attractive and eloquent, so he is also a rising star for FPF media. He does have large shoes to fill as Moe Khan and I hosted the most popular edition of Calling the Audible. Holowach will likely do so adequately as it will surely compensate for his other short-comings (or so I’ve heard… ladies talk, man).

The Eagle at Master Control: Aside from pushing all the right buttons and turning the knobs, Eagle a.k.a. Alex D’Aquila has been one of the most innovative minds in FPF. He has helped shaped the media to get it to become the incredible community it is today. His intelligence is only eclipsed by the shadows of those who tower over him. With any luck he will find someone with similar challenges and they will team up as a human totem pole under the veil of a trench coat so that they may experience their first roller coaster.

A Hitchhiker’s Guide to My Segments* (many of these are copy and pasted from last year… see if you can catch the differences!)

Recap: Put simply, this is the segment where I will go over some of the games from the previous week. It’s like Sports Centre but without the benefit of replay or charismatic anchors. I will try as much as possible to cover as many teams as possible as well as focus on key games as they occur. Those who know me can attest to the fact that I try to watch as many games as possible and I prefer to write about what I’ve seen firsthand. However, as it isn’t physically possible to make it to every game, feel free to let me know what happened in your matchup. I love talking to you about your games so feel free to reach out.
5 Plays ‘till Halftime: A few times this season I will be asking FPF-relevant and FPF-irrelevant questions to one of our aspiring analysts and look to get a different voice on a variety of Div D topics. This season expect to hear from Stefano Berardi 3-4 times before the season comes to an end.
Power Rankings: As a manner of tricking everyone into reading both my article and François Martin’s French language Division D article, we will split some of our duties. Both of our power rankings can be found here where we rank the top 8 teams in Division D-1 and Division D-2.
Hungover Visions of the World of Tomorrow: While my article will include the power rankings, François will post both my picks and his as we compete for glory and to decide who will pay for pitchers at the Roadshow.
Peeze’s Mail Sack: Send me your hate, your questions, your complaints and I will do my best to respond to it in the quirkiest way possible whilst using my article as a public forum. I posted the first ever edition of this segment below. Submissions can be made on Twitter @PeezeFPF.

All of these segments are subject to change as my memory is limited to retaining jokes to insult my fellow colleagues, trying to remember the play that was just called in the huddle, the best way to emulsify mayonnaise and where I put MY DAMN KEYS. There are also seasonal segments that come around in periods of the season where they seem more appropriate (playoff brackets, mid-season breakdowns, all-star nominees, the Peeze Awards, etc.)

Also, if you have ideas regarding what you would like to see in my article please feel free to contact me. At this moment I don’t know how many articles I will be able to produce each week, so for the moment let’s assume it is between 1 and 70.

* Please note that any article may not include any of these segments.

Additional Entertainment, Content and Other lies

Weekly Observations: I used to have a segment of my article called Rants, Ravings and Reflections. Instead I decided to go with a league-wide article that would allow me to investigate X amount of weekly observations relating to each of our divisions and some random thoughts as they come to me throughout the week. Expect these to come with a weekly rant about something that I find very important in a given week and that I will forget in the days following the article.

Division D Podcast:Each week, Moe Khan and Alex Holowach will go through the week’s action, and look forward to the action that is on the horizon. More information about where and when to find this podcast will be available shortly.

Simon Dagenais makes lists of things: I hate ranking things and making outlandish statements that are truly an overreaction to the last thing witnessed. Luckily, this is Simon’s wheel house and he’ll publish these thoughts (whether or not anyone wants to read them)

Peeze’s Mail Sack:

Joe Marziliano‏ @Joemarziliano Mar 31

@PeezeFPF @steve9192 I guess finishing top 2 in tackles & defensive Tds and 7 Int’s isn’t enough to make The All Star Game?

Nope, play harder next year!

Dan Aylward‏ @Seguinzz Mar 21

How is 54 catches, 814 yards, and 15 TDs not better than 42 catches, 544 yards, and 16 TDs? My teammate got snubbed @PeezeFPF #fpf

Perhaps it’s because his quarterback finished second in passing to me, the worst quarterback in FPF history (as per the ratings algorithim)

ALEXRAVENS‏ @iamalexravens Mar 21

@PeezeFPF LOL you’re right, i’m not italian, but lebanese, & it’s pronounced “baSHaalani”. I’ma tweet you back when we make it to round 2

I don’t care what people, or your birth certificate say, you’re my favorite Brazilian FPF player.

justin frankel‏ @justinfrankel97 Mar 16

@PeezeFPF how come not a word about channel 4 news team in the div 6 episode on YouTube?

Brent Bodkin hated the movie Anchor Man, Stef Fennes thought you were more like the Public News Team and you didn’t come to my living room when I asked you to assemble. I think it’s safe to say you didn’t do your part.

Preseason Power Rankings

Ranking in the preseason is to rankings as golf is to blindfolded virgins trying to find each other in a brothel. We have no data no idea who actually is and isn’t on the roster as summer time brings honeys to the poolside (makes you think twice about playing a sport indoors with a bunch of dudes in buildings that smell uniquely like pubic shavings). There is no pressure and as everyone has their hype-drive set at 11, I expect lots of blowback and involvement of teams.

This season, in an effort to get everyone to read both François’ articles and mine, both my rankings and François’ will appear in my article while my picks will appear uniquely in François’. Mr. Martin (just got creeped out as that was the name of my high school principal) has provided a list but from Week 1 onward will also be providing analysis.

Division D-1

These are the teams that I expect to be elite. As there are only 20 teams in both D-1 and D-2 I have included an Elite 8 for each division. François’ are listed after mine.

Globo Gym Purple Cobras: I am bought in on this family of teams. Eric Maiorino had one of the least talked about great seasons of Winter 2017 (49 touchdowns, 8 interceptions). Somehow it seems that despite winning Quarterback of the Year in Div 5A, Maiorino never gets his dues. The emergence of Brandon Aylward as a star only solidifies my belief.
Frosty Bronsons: A team that made the finals last spring and the quarter finals in a higher division in winter is going to draw some attention. James Nowakowski has developed into a solid passer and Alex Holowach, Adil Ijaz and Andre Frederick will anchor a strong defense.
Diablos: Diablos went 9-1 in Division 5A. I expect this team to be strong once again, but their schedule is not loaded with cupcakes this time around! They won’t be taking anyone by storm as the names Georges “Faster” Elie-Voyer and Gabriel Wiseman have become FPF household names.
KGP RA: K-G-P-R-A is a team I slept on last season. They have a lot of great talent (who I should have been more familiar with as I coached them in FPF Jr.). Dylan Garber is a smart quarterback and the addition of Juwan Edghill late in the season will take this team from fairly strong to legitimate contender.
Go Ghetters: The Go Ghetters are a team with a lot of higher division talent and have treated their QB position with the secrecy that enshrouds every Kinder Surprise.
Backyard Brusiers: This is a great combination of players. Rich Humes is a versatile playmaker and all around good dude (he’d make you cookies if you asked politely) and Derrick Fontana has scored no fewer than five touchdowns in seven of his last nine seasons.
Get off My D: Jeff Rosenblatt rarely gets his due. That said, he is one of the most efficient passers in the lower divisions. Having Jad Aridi and Kevin “Boost Boost” Boustany at his disposal will make this a potent offense.
Supply and Command: The reigns to the command have been handed to Justin Blanchard at quarterback and his complement of receivers feature Sami Beg, Ridwan Abdur and former Division 5B receiver of the year Will Power. If Blanchard can’t get me a championship with this team he’s terrible.

François Martin’s Elite 8

Zoo
Get off My D
Globo Gym Purple Cobras
Diablos
KGP RA
Go Ghetters
Les Affreux
Badgers

Teams that Will Break Your Heart

This is a group of teams we will all want to succeed this season. They have talent but they are not complete teams. I expect them to challenge for Ws but see games fall under the L column after many close, disappointing games.

Badgers: The names are familiar and trash talking, smiling, deep ball gunning Joseph Kano looks to feed AJ Rashkovan and Josh Feder. Kano was a dominant Division 6 quarterback, but this isn’t Division 6 and I think we will see this team fall just short of amazing us week-in and week-out.
Dreamville: Dreamville moves up from Division 5B and while I think they will be explosive and fun to watch Andrew Langburt and co. are destined for a middle of the pack type season. Last season Dreamville tied Jean Coutu and lost to the Roadrunners, Tip Top Shape and Trinity. This leads me to believe that Dreamville will struggle when they cannot simply outrun their opponents. The spring season is usually a tougher pool of teams than winter, so I expect Dreamville to face some adversity.
Les Affreux: This will be a fun team to watch all season. They are talented and will win big games. They will also lose games that will have you scratching your head. Rusher extraordinaire David Faucher replaces Daniel Bellefeuille who leads him by two sacks as the 6th-highest sack-getter of all time. I struggled before putting Les Affreux in this category but, ultimately, I think they will leave us as disappointed as Simon Dagenais’ prom date all those years ago (she’s far better off now).
Bruh-Mitzfah: I believe this is the act of growing into brohood. Conflict gate is what this team’s season will be coined as. Having to cut Will Power due to scheduling conflicts (Power was added after the scheduling program started to run). This will be a good team but in the end David and Dylan Daoust will be wondering if this was the season that could have been. In all honesty, the aforementioned Daousts, and Marty Freidman and Zack Goldstein will ensure that this team is competitive. Bradley Blouin will also have an impact on games (the impact of course will only be measured if he wears a numbered jersey). This team will be fine but something just seems to be missing to convince me that they can close out big games.

Prove Me Wrong

It will make these teams happy to know that often these teams do prove me wrong. These are teams that I feel are flawed or I simply don’t understand the roster construction. This is your chance to go out and make me look a fool instead of lose my cool (up in here, up in here).

Straight Outta Breath: Mickey “So Fine” Marini and Shaq Lattimore are a devastating pair of receivers. However, Max Marini has yet to prove that he is a Division D quarterback. The sample size is small and until I see how he manages this brutal schedule, this team will need to prove to me that they can succeed.
Fun Boys: The fun over the past couple of seasons for Fun boys was having Liam Mahoney and Phil Cutler at the Pivot spot. I expect Scott Mironwicz to take a shot behind centre but he has never thrown more than 30 touchdowns and his touchdown totals have declined each season at the position. He is also a career mid-40% passer and while I think the team is well built, they may be lacking at their most important position. Let’s see if depth and skill can overcome a lack of offensive productivity.
TOPSZN: There is talent and speed to burn on this team. However, without Jahlani Gilbert-Knorren the traditional question about TOPSZN returns. Who will get the ball to their talented playmakers? In this case I will need to see it to believe it. Until then, prove me wrong.
I.C.U. Named after the most stalker-y names of all instant messaging apps, I.C.U. feature capable quarterback Chris Olsen, impact receiver Eddy Lee and two-way stud Domenic Benevento. While the team will win some games and even surprise an opponent or two, the roster seems a little thin. It is time for their role players to show me the error of my ways.

I Just Don’t See It

Just send your hate mail now and get it over with! This isn’t a personal thing, I just don’t see these teams having success this season. Unfortunately, I play against both of them this season so I believe that the trash talk will be brought.

Green Lantern Corps: Hai Minh Luong is a natural addition to GLC. He is a smart, careful quarterback who delivers a catchable ball to capable receivers. However, given that the team’s explosiveness is limited to Mendy Cornichon, Luong may have trouble finding open receivers. This team may be more Mogo the John Stewart or Hal Jordan when it comes to their place in the “Corps.”
Zoo: Frank Kaye is a quarterback that never gets his due. However, he surprised many of us by leading his Zoo team to a 9-1 record last spring. While they did move up to take a licking in Division 4A, I think a tough season is in the works for them given a schedule that features four teams that I placed in my Top 8 and three that were on the outside looking in.

Teams that May Surprise You

So I’m not sure what to make of these teams. They are to flag football what neck beards are to facial hair. These are teams that on the surface may look like they will struggle but due to their schedules and the fact that I think their rosters are particularly well built will compete in Division D.

Les Verges Aeriennes: There is a lot of talent on this team and we have seen teams led by Chris Rivest succeed before. He will need to avoid turnovers for this team to be a decent squad. While lack of cohesion may affect this team, it will just be a matter of time before their timing and spacing allows them to be competitive. I will say that the team name is far more tasteful than what I read at first glance (Les Vierges Aryenne).
Kiwi Island: They are a tough group and feature intelligent receivers such as AJ Gomes, Daniel and Anthony Lazarra and others. Joey Fiorillo continues to try to learn the position under the tutelage of Dan “Tacos” Lazarra (I have it on good authority that he loves that nickname). I think Fiorillo will improve and this may be the season that he makes the big jump to allow this team to truly compete.

Division D-2 Power Rankings

Trinity: The brothers Danserault-Leclerc and Alexandre Jubinville are physical freaks and led the team to a 9-1 record in Division 5B. I see no reason why they cannot dominate once again. J-F Marquis improves as a quarterback every season and with one season in a comparable division under his belt, I think he will be in contention for QBOY.
Smoking on that Lalla: Firstly, President Rob Campana is slipping. I can’t believe he let this team name pass. This formerly TCO-laden roster is replete with players who, as they have in the past, are dogging it in a low division. Brent Callender has become a true defensive playmaker and Tony Lalla is a solid Division 2 caliber player. Yet the best contribution from Lalla-land will be young Avery who is the best arm talent in the division.
All Hooks: Charles Olivier-Lavigne is a true dual threat quarterback whose offensive production often gets forgotten because of the bias against running quarterbacks. This is a well-built team and names like Charles Fontaine, Jeremy White and Jean-Christophe Ferland will make meaningful contributions every game.
Warriors: Michael Solimene has taken his team from the lowest divisions and is now ready to compete in Division D-2. Solimene has already thrown 91 touchdowns in 2 seasons. Angelo Mourelatos and Peter Giannias are notable on a team of playmakers. It has become common for strong Division 6 teams to move into Division 5 and D and find immediate success. I think this will be one such case.
Ravens: This appears to be the farm team for Show Me Your TDs. Show Me Your Smaller TDs, if you will. Alex David has never played an FPF game where he hasn’t thrown an interception. However, this season he is armed with Anthony Addona who is a high end Div 3 caliber player, Danio Addona who is a great red zone target, Mathieu Houle who is Flag Jesus and Mike Addona who is a fantastic possession receiver. This team will do damage if they can keep the ball away from opponents.
Roadrunners: This coyote bait themed team has one of the low division’s most dynamic players in Justin Lerner. He is difficult to contain and quarterback Mathew Yanakoulias knows how to use him well. Daron Migdesyan wrangles for tackles and is the only person still wearing Levis jeans. For these reasons Roadrunners make my Elite 8 (mostly the jeans).
Goofy Goobers: Max Burah is a phenomenal athlete who is often overlooked due to his smaller stature. However, he is fast, has insane hands and has the best instincts I’ve seen in FPF in a while. Styles Trudeau is an experienced quarterback who looks to ease GG through their transition away from Jarryd Taylor. The team also added Shamar Joassaint who is yet another virtually un-defendable receiver. All I can say for the Goobers off season acquisitions is “GG/WP.”
Lobster Dinner: The fanciest of meals makes it into the bottom end of the most prestigious of meaningless, unfounded lists. It’s like the type of sex that makes your realize your mom was right and you should probably settle down. Jon Brown is one of the best and most efficient quarterbacks in the division. My worry is that FPF defenses are getting more complex and he should look at the regular season as an opportunity to truly focus on understanding pre-snap reads. With his quick delivery, it would make him truly elite in this division. Brian Eudoxie is an underrated and effective rusher and Eric Pawlusiak will make tough catches in the middle if the field for Brown. In Lobster I believe; in Dinner I trust.

François’ Elite 8

Pandas (with or without their Broads in Atlanta)
Warriors
Longhorns
Big Fun Party Mix 8
Still Preaching
All Hooks
Trinity
Roadrunners

Teams that Will Break Your Heart

Still Preaching: I’m sure my oft-teammate Nic Saro will take exception to this ranking, however there are all the pieces from last season’s exciting installment of how the Preacher’s eventually let us down in the playoffs. Not very catchy… but accurate. Pat Lindor and Loic Robidoux are two talents players who are still making a name for themselves in FPF. The questions surrounding this team always seem to revolve around the revolving QB door. Both Alexis Labonté and Nic Saro would be better served as members of this receiving corps rather than members of a QB identity crisis. It is akin to not knowing you’re Tyler Durden and not realizing that both you and the aforementioned alternate personality need a quarterback.
Longhorns: Long-time Longhorn quarterback Jon Moodie is on the team but exceeds the division QB cap. It does appear that Brad Evans will be taking the snaps. While I do like Brad and I think he has improved greatly as a QB, this team is simply better with Jon Moodie slinging the ball all over the field. Longhorns will do fine game-in and game out but I think this will be a forgettable season before it comes to a close.
Big Fun Party Mix 8: This looks to me like the definition of a middle-of-the-pack team. Evan Ely Nolet has a strong arm but has never thrown 35+ touchdowns in a season. Mike Franzese is a monster who eats smaller monsters in the red zone, yet has only had two seasons with double digit touchdowns. The 8 in question will be a team everyone is hoping for but will just not make as much noise as they’d like.
Pandas: Alexandre Bachaalani is a stud receiver and Ryan Kharouf has some of the best throwing techniques I’ve ever seen. If games were played in warm-ups, Pandas would be undefeated. I’ve been caught napping on them before and I think they will be a fine team. However, I don’t expect them to truly make it out of the middle of the pack.

Prove Me Wrong

Black Knights: Black Knights ended the season going 3-1 in their last 4 games and played the FPF equivalent to Mike D’Antoni’s “7 seconds or less offensive system.” The system is one where basketball players were required to end every offensive possession quickly while continuously moving and passing to create an open shot (You’re welcome James Harden. You’re welcome Golden State). Stephane Larosillière, once a highly touted CIS quarterback, slung the ball all over the field and caused as many wow moments as he made mistakes. However the team does bring Jimmy-Lee Janvier into the fold, where he will likely take over as the pivot. However the problem remains that this roster is simply too large. Twelve players means you rarely get your best players playing two ways. The additions of rusher Darryl Dorcely and JJJ will help, but their greatest additions would have been made via subtraction.
Norfolk in Chance: The purpose of this section is to challenge teams. Here, I challenge Andrew Blades and Akeem Hoyte-Charles as they have become household names but in reality they have done little more than be said names in recent history. Both Hoyte-Charles and Blades have undoubted talent. This is an opportunity to showcase their leadership and lead a team where talent cannot be questioned. Look for Chris Milard to continue to dominate early in his FPF career on a team that, unless proven wrong, will struggle all season long.

I Just Don’t See It

Vikings: The Vikes were simply out of their depth in Division 4B in the winter. While they likely counted on Nicolas Gendron-Vallée to be a contributor before he moved away, Vikings return with a similarly lack luster roster. I would have been more excited had part-time sub Simon Gauthier returned for this season but as it is I think there is too much pressure on Mathieu Dupuis and Julien Schinck despite moving down to play in Division D-2.
Buffalo Wild Wings: After the flop that was Nic Belleau’s loaded Aztec Sasquatches (man this guy has awesome team names), this incarnation seems to have returned to their more Genie-esque roots. Guillaume Fontaine and Olivier Page are good, but this team never seems to come together as one would expect. While it is likely that many of these new players are studs, this isn’t a team-building philosophy that has worked in the past so I expect this team to be the Buffalo Mild Wings.
War Pigs: Generals may gather in their masses but they will not gather to watch the War Pigs. Corey Walwaski is as competent as he is charming and there are a few nice pieces on this team. Peter Rose has a good deal of experience and I believe he will help get the most out of War Pigs. However, I believe that the turnaround will happen too late and the War Pigs’ late-season noise will be too quiet to be heard in the playoffs.

Teams That May Surprise You

These teams are imperfect but, much like a fish-top mermaid, they have the parts that may just surprise us.

Red Sharks: With Luis Manning’s broken thumb, former Los Banditos cannon-armed Alex “Guert” Guertin takes over at quarterback. Guert has been bitten by the turnover bug in the past but he likely is licking his chops at the opportunity to throw again – and it’s one I do not expect him to take lightly. Expect the Red Sharks to do the unexpected (that made no sense but it’s something Simon Dagenais would say). They will win some ugly, close games and frustrate some opponents this season.
Les Montagnards: I do not know what to make of this team. Anthony Garant is an excellent all-around player but is coming into the season after a fairly serious knee injury. Marc-Antoine Viens is the combination of a bowling ball and a Corvette when he gets the ball in space. The rest of the team is less familiar but they are in good hands with a couple of players who have not lost many games in their FPF career.

I Legit, Straight Up, Don’t Know Who You Are

ETC: If you think I am separating the initials in you acronym by periods each week you are outta your damn mind! ETC, I am not familiar with your work. Please reach out, let me know a little about your team and why we should know more about the team who’s initials clearly stand for: Eternally Terra-Cotta (who do you think you are anyway? Ben-Hur?… in order to fully grasp the reference, watch the entire two hour movie here*: http://www.vudu.com/movies/#!overview/136271/Ben-Hur)

*It also occurred to me that there was a Ben-Hur remake in 2016. That may be more enjoyable. However, the main character likely did not forget to take his Rolex off in a movie that took place during the era of the Roman Empire.

Hung-over Visions of the World of Tomorrow

This used to be the heading for my picks segment. Remember that you can find my picks in François Martin’s article (https://www.flagplusfootball.com/en/news/1639).

Thursday’s Turnip Trauma

Go ahead, tell me I’m wrong. Tell me I’m crazy. Tell me why your team is amazing! Do so ideally on twitter @PeezeFPF where I will then use your words as my content. Also, tell me a little about yourself and your teams. Sometimes we discuss the games and the teams involved while not being entirely armed with all the information possible. Make our jobs easier by reaching out to the media team.

For further analysis, tune in to the official FPF Division D podcast Calling the Audible where Moe Khan and Alex Holowach discuss things that will never happen, Air Canada’s new loyalty program and the unfortunate death of Michael Parks. Stay tuned for information about when and where you can watch it. Until then, if you have any questions, comments or demands you can reach me on Twitter @PeezeFPF (as I am on most social media) or by messaging me on Facebook @Peeze Della Reeze. I’m also an avid poster/moderator on the FPF group page.

Have a great and safe first week of action. See you at the fields!