The Goal Line Stand (Div D) – Week 8 – FlagPlus Football League

Football fans nationwide are biting their nails nervously waiting to hear if the NFL players will be locked out this upcoming season. A terrible turn of events, if it were to happen.

But just like in any football game or bath water, the universe usually manages to even itself out. The dreadfulness of sitting through an entire autumn without NFL football would at least be lessened by the comforting fact that FlagPlus Football would, as a result, shoot to the pinnacle of the North American football world. (Followed closely by college football, the CFL, and Madden 11 tournaments.)

Think of the possibilities! Multi-million dollar television contracts, kids wearing our jerseys in the streets, deafening crowds, and players who think that they’re professional athletes with the kind of superstar status that exonerates them from behaving civilly both on and off the field.

O.K., so not everything would change.

Weekly Recap

Average Joes Giant Killers

On Thursday afternoon I would have bet my grandmother that Clockwork would have won this game. Which would have sucked because it would have directly resulted in me getting less Christmas gifts come December. Two of the Average Joes’ three wins have come off games against The Incredibles and Clockwork as they establish themselves as “giant killers” of sorts. Chris Smith was the difference-maker in this one, catching 3 balls and a TD on a very impressive route in the red zone on offense and returning the proverbial “nail-in-the-coffin” INT for a TD late in the second half. These modern-day Davids, as it were, have UFF up next. Whether they’ll win or not is completely up to which roster shows up. As for Clockwork, look for them to rebound. They know that it was better to receive this wake-up call now than to have gotten it in the playoffs.

Dragons Breathe Fire Against Incredibles

A cup of lack of chemistry between Andrew Funamoto and his snapper, coupled with a pinch of timely pick-6 by the Dragons’ Christophe Girard was a recipe for disaster for The Incredibles this week. This isn’t to take away from the Dragons’ overall game, however. Simon Dagenais was his usual self, launching for 202 yards and running hard for another 40. Unless Funamoto can get them back on track against the Wildkittens as I’ve predicted, The Incredible fans will be writing ballads about the departed Greg Stern…

This is the story of a man named Stern

For whose presence we yearn

You can throw long balls

When Peterson calls

Why do you have to work at a camp?

Just get a job at Wendy’s near the off-ramp

Boozers Bounce Punch Panda

Punch Panda took big strides on offense but saw their defense continue to struggle against the Boozers this week. Part of that was due to their addition of receiver Alex David (a man who caught a whopping 72 balls last season for 599 yards with Division 5’s Golden Eagles as the league’s most consistent and, arguably, best offensive player) who caught 9 balls for 89 yards and 3 TDs. This move comes in response to the Replacements’ addition of Akeem Hoyte-Charles (Neither late addition will qualify for the playoffs). Punch Panda will face the Replacements next week to see who will own the 8th and final playoff spot in Conference B. The second half was especially tight as Punch Panda had a David Della Rocca TD reception taken away from them on an offensive pass interference call. The company of David and the addition of a bench presence have also seemed to have had a positive effect on Panda QB, Anthony Carbone. He beat personal bests in yards, completion percentage, and QB rating while tying personal bests in TDs and INTs. Also, the Boozers are an excellent team.

Interviews

This week Andrew Funamoto of The Incredibles hopes the teacher has become the… teacher, again… what? Simon Dagenais of the Dragons talks about last week’s loss. Referee George Latter blinds me with his star-power. G.M. Kolethras talks about his new full-time spot as WEPL analyst. Matt Kirouac proves to be as poetic as Jack Kerouac in his narration of the birth of Clockwork. J.P. Mancini of the Average Joes talks about his roster. And Mathieu Domon of Les Affreux explains why they decided having 3 Mathieu’s on the team was a step in the right direction. No, he talks about what’s ahead for his Affeux.

www.youtube.com/andrewFPF

By The Numbers

Nineteenth-century British Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli said that “There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.” Someone probably told him that there was a 96% chance his tea would be ready by noon and it wasn’t. Stop crying, Disraeli. This is football.

72: Number of rushing yards for Punch Panda QB Anthony Carbone. Most this week.

1.25: Average number of extra points per attempt by the Flying Comics. Best this week.

60: Number of yards the Affreux defense allowed this week. 36 yards better than second best defense this week, Chili con Carne FFC.

28.71: Average number of yards per catch against for Punch Panda. Worst this week.

4: Number of rushing yards against allowed by the Dragons. Stingiest this week.

19: Number of tackles for the UFF defense. Most this week.

5: Number of PDs by the Average Joe defense. Next best teams had 3.

4: Number of sacks for Limetime’s Matthew Demetriou. Best this week.

146.78: QB rating for Boozers Bruno-Pierre Pelletier. Simon Dagenais was second best with 116.05.

9: Number of QBs not to get sacked this week.

82.61: Percent of Le Zoo’s QB Frank Kaye’s passes that were caught by his team. Ironically, the other 17.39% of his passes were caught by the other team.

Power-Rankings

Here are the power-rankings after week 8:

Clockwork (7-1) – One loss is no big deal. Still the odds-on favorite to win it all.
Maximum Carnage (6-2) – Truly deserve this spot. Beat Lockdown with neither Jeff Moscato nor Aymen Saidi.
Boozers (6-2) – Have had it easy in weeks 7 and 8.
Dragons (6-2) – Rocket to 4th with their win this week. Top team in Conference A right now.
Vikings (6-2) Move from 9th to 5th this week because they’ve demonstrated consistency.
Lockdown (5-3) – Move down a spot after their loss.
The Incredibles (5-3) – Need to anchor themselves down quickly or risk sinking.
Les Affreux (5-2-1) – Take it to the Replacements in the second half. Take 8th spot consequently.
Chili con Carne FFC (5-3) – A good club that may fly under the radar come playoff time.
Tyrants (4-4) – Lose close game to the Vikings. Still find themselves in the middle of the pack in Conference A.

A lot of movement this week as only Clockwork neither loses nor gains ground in the power-rankings. Again, the top 10 remain the same as teams start to guess where they’ll fall come the playoffs and who they’ll face. Limetime loses ground as the Average Joes vie for a better seeding. Maximum Carnage cements their position as a big dog in Division D while teams like The Incredibles, Lockdown, and the Tyrants still aren’t sure. If week 9 is anything like week 8, we’re in for a rocking weekend.

Predictions

I went 6-2 this week (again). Bringing my overall record to 29-10-1. Now if only my team could be this successful…

Vikings vs. Flying Comics: Both teams are coming off wins. Look for the athleticism of the Vikings to be the difference.

Clockwork vs. Les Affreux: Clockwork needs to prove their loss was a fluke. They’re motivated.

UFF vs. Average Joes: If Chris Smith (who never seems to get the right picture on his player profile) is in the lineup, I’m going with the Joes. If not, look for UFF to capitalize.

Chili con Carne FFC vs. Boozers: Chili’s four-game winning streak should come to an end this week against a solid Boozers team.

Le Zoo vs. Tyrants: Can’t pick against a Zoo team who only lost by 3 without starter Emile Carey.

Maximum Carnage vs. Limetime: After their win in the Game of the Week, Maximum Carnage are poised to roll into the playoffs on a high note.

The Incredibles vs. Wildkittens: Andrew Funamoto will get his first win as an Incredible here and build some much-needed momentum for the playoffs.

Replacements vs. Punch Panda: Alex David is FPF’s David Suzuki because Punch Panda will no longer be an endangered species after this game.

I know I kind of cheated for the 3rd one. I’ll allow it.

If you’re too nervous to approach me in public, please send me an e-mail at [email protected]. If it requires a prompt response, put [CODE 1] in the subject line so that I may prioritize it appropriately. If you don’t know the difference between “there,” “their,” and “they’re,” put [CODE 2] in the subject line so that I may prioritize it appropriately as well.

Hope this is as much fun to read as it is to write!