The Goal Line Stand (Div D) – Week 5 – FlagPlus Football League

I had my first time this week.

I wasn’t sure what to expect. Was it going to hurt? Was I going to remember it forever? Did it matter who I was with when it happened? Were three beers enough? Well, this week I found out. Just a few days ago, in fact. Like most guys, it was practically over before it even began. All I could remember was a rush of blood, an increase in my heart rate, and a sudden flash of heat coursing through my body. Now all I’m left with is a hazy memory of the act. Finally, it had happened to me after years of waiting.

For the first time ever, I had to watch one of my FPF games from the sideline due to injury.

Standing 30 feet to my right was Wildkitten Adrien Dusautois, perennial Division D/5 player, ornithological enthusiast, and good buddy. He, too, was fully clad in civilian attire and watching from the very same sideline. With his right hand bandaged, I expected it difficult for him to grab flags or hail taxis efficiently.

I bring this up because I just wanted to remind all Division D players that every time you step onto the field you take the health and safety of eleven other guys into your hands. Play hard, play safe.

I figured it would be à propos of me to use this article to construct a sort of dream team of Division D players, considering we’re exactly half way through the regular season. A who’s who of TD-throwers, pigskin-snatchers, and flag-grabbers.

Conference A

QBs

Greg Stern – Incredibles: Very consistent passer. You can trust him with the ball.

Simon Dagenais – Dragons: Putting up monster numbers. Reason why the great Dragon defense goes unnoticed.

Offensive

Jacob Peterson – Incredibles: 1st in receiving TDs and yards. No opposing defense has figured him out yet.

Kevin Lubin – Lockdown: Provides a safe target for QB Gianfranco Ranaudo. Leads league in receptions after week 5.

J.F. Fortier – Dragons: Has increased his weekly receptions every week for five straight weeks. Has already tied last year’s total receptions and surpassed last year’s TDs totals.

Defensive

Marc-André Benoit – Flying Comics: 6 sacks in 2 games. If he remains consistent he’ll become a key asset for the Flying Comics’ defense.

Francois Deslauriers – Le Zoo: Interception machine. Tied for the league lead despite missing 2 straight weeks with a hand injury.

Sébastien Bourassa – UFF: Impact player on defense. Cornerstone of a good tackling defense.

Conference B

QBs

Marco Masciotra – Clockwork: Very efficient QB. Clockwork may not lose a game with him at the helm.

Patrick Manning – Limetime: Has quietly put together a very solid season. Now he has to pull his team to a winning record.

Offensive

P.A. Beauséjour – Chili con Carne FFC: This guy is no fluke. Did it last year, doing it this year, will do it next.

Jean-Daniel Joly – Les Affreux: Provides his QB Mathieu Domon with a great endzone threat. They’ll need to work together to pull their team out of a bad streak.

David Daoust – Limetime: With plenty of FPF experience, Daoust brings solid route running and sure hands to his team. He’s having a career year.

Defensive

Percy Graham – Punch Panda: Good tackler. Needs to turn some of them into PDs, however, if he’s going to help his team.

Adrian Redmond – Vikings: Dangerous member of a ball-hawking defense. Definition of what captain Chris Williams wants from his defense.

Ben Joseph – Average Joes: Has found his place on what is becoming a tightfisted defense. Can he help them shut down Manning and company next week?

Weekly Recap

New-Look Lockdown Stands Tall

The combination of two tough opponents and heavy personnel changes in weeks 3 and 4 had Lockdown in what seemed like a bit of a tailspin. But leaning on the contacts they made last season with Kevin Lubin, Alex David, and the Golden Eagles, it appears as though the ship has been righted. QB Gianfranco Ranaudo went 14 for 24 for 129 yards, 4 TDs, 0 INTs, and no sacks against for a rating of 112.67. We even saw the reappearance of his awkward post-TD strut. Unfortunately for the Wildkittens, an early Chris Rivest TD was called back when the referee was unable to de-flag the receiver in the end zone. One tug from Rivest got them off rather easily, however. Leading me to believe the Wildkittens were the unlucky victims of physics. The team and I do apologize for throwing deep in the last seconds. It was out of character, and will not happen again.

Deslauriers-less Zoo Falls to Flying Comics

The Flying Comics grabbed the momentum early in this game and never let go. It seemed as though the early pick-6 from Flying Comic Philippe Marier took the wind right out of Le Zoo’s sails. Despite not having a bad completion percentage, Emile Carey ceded some snaps to the hard-running Frank Kaye. The 0 TD to 3 INT ratio seemed to rattle Carey. The solution for him might be a solid outing against the Wildkittens. The Flying Comics’ whopping 4 INTs always assured them comfortable field position. Then it was left to veteran Frank Grenier who was his usual self spreading 11 completions around evenly to 7 different receivers. If the Flying Comics can have a similarly explosive start on defense against The Incredibles, that game might be more exciting than anticipated.

Dragons Defense Does it Dirty

Limetime is becoming harder and harder to peg. With the likes Manning, Demers, and the Daoust brothers, they still haven’t beat anyone with a winning record. Next week isn’t a given either, taking on a very hot Average Joes team. On the other side of the coin, this is the first game where I’ve really noticed how unyielding the Dragons defense could be. The only defense in Conference A to give up less than 100 points over the first 5 weeks, the right mix of size and speed does the trick for Frédéric Côté and the gang. I see their 4-game winning streak extending to 5.

Interviews

This week Jordan Williams of Limetime tells me how he plans to help his new team. J.F. Fortier of the Dragons hurts my neck. Francois Deslauriers of Le Zoo gives us an injury report. And Gianfranco Ranaudo of Lockdown answers questions I didn’t ask.

www.youtube.com/andrewFPF

Keep checking in for the latest updates!

By The Numbers

Statistics are a lot like bikinis. What they reveal can be fun, but it’s what they conceal that is of real value. Here are the stats from week 5:

127.41: Clockwork’s Marco Masciotra’s QB rating. Highest in week 5.

5: Number of QBs not to throw an INT in week 5.

14: Number of throwing attempts by Maximum Carnage’s Jason Lachapelle. Fewest in week 5.

42.86: Percent of throwing attempts resulting in TDs for Maximum Carnage’s Jason Lachapelle. Highest in week 5.

13.64: Percent of defensive plays ending in a sack for the Chili con Carne FFC defense. Highest in week 5.

3: Number of QBs not throwing an INT and not getting sacked. Masciotra, Lachapelle, and Ranaudo.

3: Number of pick-6’s for the Lockdown defense. Most this week.

38: Number of yards against allowed by the Average Joe defense. Best this week.

18: Number of tackles for the UFF defense. Most this week.

Power-Rankings

A lot like Santa’s list, I check mine twice. Unlike his list, however, mine isn’t fictitious and it excites grown men.

Here are the power-rankings for week 5:

Clockwork (5-0) – Only unbeaten team left. A win next week versus Boozers, and we might have a perfect season on our hands.
Maximum Carnage (4-1) – Handed Boozers their first loss of the season. You earned this spot, guys.
Boozers (4-1) – Fell a spot this week. Could a bad game against Clockwork next week be the beginning of a slippery slope?
The Incredibles (4-1) – Back on track after last week’s debacle. Second half of the season uncertain due to loss of QB Greg Stern.
Dragons (4-1) – Beat Limetime in a thriller. A tough second half of the season awaits.
Lockdown (3-2) – A new roster results in a new direction. Eyes on the future for this team.
Tyrants (3-2) – A win versus Lockdown next week could define this team’s bounce-back season.
Vikings (3-2) – No shame in this week’s loss. Inconsistent nonetheless.
Chili con Carne FFC (2-3) – You can count on any team with the Beauséjours to get better as the season progresses.
Les Affreux (2-2-1) – This team is falling fast. Haven’t won since week 2.

UFF are evicted from the rankings after this week’s loss. Limetime’s two wins have come off opponents who are currently a combined 1-9 with a point differential of -214. Does Le Zoo have a fighting chance without Deslauriers? Here’s the deal, Average Joes: beat Limetime next week and you’ll have officially earned 10th.

Predictions

I went 5-3 in my week 5 predictions bringing me to a combined 11-4-1. 50% of my incorrect predictions are due to picking against the Average Joes and Tom Nikoletopoulos. You guys are really starting to harsh my buzz.

Here’s what I think will happen in week 6:

Punch Panda vs. Chili con Carne FFC: Chili is finding their stride. Punch Panda is finding they haven’t thought this through.

Wildkittens vs. Le Zoo: Wildkittens learned more from their loss to Lockdown than Le Zoo did to the Flying Comics. Look for leaders Dusautois and Kolethras to rally the troops.

Flying Comics vs. Incredibles: Even with a potential change at QB looming, I’m going with the Incredibles.

Dragons vs. UFF: Dragons are doing it on both sides of the ball. Nothing to be ashamed of, but UFF is still in their learning stage.

Boozers vs. Clockwork: Biggest game of the week. Safe money is on Clockwork to stay unbeaten.

Average Joes vs. Limetime: I can’t believe I’m doing this again, but I’m picking against the Joes.

Vikings vs. Replacements: Interested to see how Mo Azab handles a mobile defense. The Vikings are too deep to lose this one regardless.

Les Affreux vs. Maximum Carnage: Two teams going in opposite directions face off here. No reason for Maximum Carnage to lose this game.

In order to make more time for reading e-mails, I’ve avoided dirtying dishes or clothing so as not to have to wash them. A lot of lonely evenings eating Oreo’s out of the box over the sink in my underwear have resulted. Continue to flood my inbox at [email protected].