The Goal Line Stand (Div D) – Week 3

 

A lot of things go through your mind while being cavity searched. Will the Boozers/Clockwork game in week 6 be all it’s cracked up to be? Has Bruno-Pierre Pelletier actually scored 3 TDs on 3 rushing attempts? Will I and Bryan Mongeau interview each other before the Lockdown/Maximum Carnage game in week 8? What kind of pension plan does FPF offer? And so on…

With so much to write about and so little bandwidth, I realized that I had to know my audience to the end of tailoring articles to your interests and concerns. So I made this graph to help me.

See www.youtube.com/andrewFPF

It is within this triple intersection where you, dear reader, reside. Even more astonishing is that statistically speaking, one of you is a blind vegan virgin beef-salesman.

In other news, whoever’s job it is to write articles has been allowing one good team to fly under the radar. Limetime has quietly improved in three straight weeks and a win against the Vikings in week 4 will definitely get everyone’s attention. Patrick Manning (no relation to Peyton and Eli) already has 13 TDs, helping out his favorite receiver David Daoust who was on the receiving end of 4 of them. To boot, the team’s defense has 7 picks over 3 games, a fair average for a competitive team. The only thing between this team and a comfortable playoff spot might be their relatively difficult schedule.

 

Weekly Recap

 

Vikings Pillage UFF

I stand corrected. In last week’s article I alluded to the fact that I was picking underdog UFF to beat the Vikings in their Thursday night matchup. And I was right, until the second half started. Which is like saying Fox News is unbiased, until the weather report is over. (Even then, according to them it’s always raining socialists in Washington.) Graeme Carr had an excellent outing throwing no INTs and landing passes at a 69.6% efficiency rate. Despite Derek Lefebvre getting 6 receptions and Sebastien Bourassa collecting 7 tackles, UFF couldn’t close this game up.

 

T&A

Teamwork and athleticism, is what I mean. In what was probably the best-looking game – people who watched the game will know what I’m talking about, and those who didn’t will henceforth be made fun of for the next 7 weeks – in FPF history, the Boozers soundly beat a once unbeaten Affreux team. Mathieu Domon got off to a very bad start, being picked-off on three early Affreux offensive drives. The Boozers capitalized on Domon’s miscalculations and assured themselves good field position as a result. If there is a silver lining in this game for Les Affreux, it’s that the Boozers had a tough time driving the field against their defense. Eliminate the turnovers, and they might have eliminated the loss.

 

Too Close For Clockwork

In a game that was significantly closer than I had expected, Le Zoo gave the #1 power-ranked Clockwork a second-half scare. Francois Deslauriers and his trademark bandana were responsible for almost half of Emile Carey’s completions with 7. Le Zoo beat Clockwork 12-0 in the second half which drops their second half point differential to +4. Noteworthy because their overall point differential is +40. What’s more is that this game came down to the last play of the game when Le Zoo had possession of the ball within striking distance. After two attempts at the end zone, Le Zoo used Deslauriers as a decoy on the last play of the game and got a ball into one of their receiver’s hands in the end zone where he was contacted and interfered with (or not, depending how you saw it) and dropped it. I love parity.

 

 

Interviews

 

Due to uncontrollable and unforeseen circumstances, I was unable to get to the fields this week to conduct my weekly interviews – which have made me the latest viral on YouTube, by the way. So instead, I’m going to commit the equivalent of FPF journalistic suicide and predict the results for week 4.

 

UFF vs. Chili con Carne FFC: Despite their loss to the Vikings, I still believe in UFF.

Dragons vs. Replacements: My heart’s with the Replacements, but my money’s with the Dragons.

Flying Comics vs. Les Affreux: Les Affreux will get back on track this week.

Lockdown vs. Clockwork: It would be inappropriate to predict my own game. But feel free to come say hi!

Le Zoo vs. Maximum Carnage: Le Zoo’s tough schedule continues. I pick Maximum Carnage.

Vikings vs. Limetime: Vikings are too experienced to lose this one.

Tyrants vs. Boozers: Go with the Boozers. And if they bring back their cheer-squad, go with them forever.

Wildkittens vs. Punch Pandas: The Wildkittens will pick up their first win of the season in week 4.

The Incredibles vs. Average Joes: Look for the Joes to be average and The Incredibles to be just that.

 

If I’ve picked against you, please govern yourself accordingly and refrain from approaching me in public to explain why I’m wrong.

 

I know why I’m wrong.

 

 

By The Numbers

 

If you thought your high school math class was boring, buckle up for a ride on the numeral expressway. Next exit: Irrelevant.

 

Check out these stats from week 3:

 

6: Number of TDs launched by Limetime’s Patrick Manning and The Incredibles’ Greg Stern. Most this week.

0: Number of offensive TDs scored by the Replacements this week. In a winning effort.

10: Number of tackles by Flying Comics’ Simon Gouache. Who does he think he is? Me?

74: Number of rushing yards for Affreux QB Mathieu Domon. Most this week.

2: Number of teams using multiple QBs. Lockdown and Average Joes.

4: Number of QBs throwing more INTs than TDs in week 3.

3: Number of different people who ran the ball for the Wildkittens. Most this week.

 

Power-Rankings

 

There’s as much movement in this week’s edition of the power-rankings as in my bowels after I eat Indian food.

 

Here are the power-rankings for week 3:

 

1)Boozers (3-0) – A convincing win over a solid Affreux team earns them top spot.

2)Clockwork (3-0) – Losing the second half 12-0 is not to this team’s standard. They move down a spot consequently.

3)The Incredibles (3-0) – Despite not moving up, they solidify 3rd and distance themselves from the pack.

4)Maximum Carnage (2-1) – Beat up an above average team this week. Movin’ on up.

5)Lockdown (2-1) – Bad loss to The Incredibles. Fluke or trend-setter?

6)Dragons (2-1) – On a roll. Can pick up wins in next 3 games.

7)Vikings (2-1) – Hope this team does not struggle with inconsistency all season.

8)Affreux (2-1) – Hard to peg this team. 3 games, 3 different results.

9)Tyrants (2-1) – Move up a spot. Their schedule is about to get rocky.

10)Limetime (2-1) – Both their wins came against team who will struggle to make the playoffs. They toe the line in 10th spot for now.

 

The top three settle in while the rest of the pack shuffles for position. UFF and Chili con Carne FFC find themselves un-ranked this week and usurped by the Vikings and Limetime. Le Zoo, don’t give up, you’re on the door-step.

 

So far no one has attempted to contact me at [email protected]. This means one of two things. I’m either A) doing an excellent job, or B) my mail is being accidentally re-routed without my knowledge.

 

I’ll contact tech support tomorrow morning.