The Goal Line Stand (Div D) – Week 10

Writing this tenth – and final – regular season article kind of feels like breaking up with a girl who you were able to tolerate for two-and-a-half months. You’re sad it’s over, but you’re also excited to see what’s next on the horizon for you. You spend time reminiscing about the good times, but you’re also relieved that the pressure is gone. You’re never going to get back that box of DVDs you left at her house, but at least the bi-weekly paycheck was nice. And finally you have no idea what you’re going to do with that half box of condoms.

What? It helps me write.

Meanwhile, we’re all excited to be heading into the first week of the playoffs. The Lachine complex will be hosting every round except for the finals, when we’ll move to the swankier Brossard complex. However, pack a lunch because even nothing costs $8.50 in Brossard.

The end-of-season festivities don’t stop there! The league has released its choices for the individual awards today. I chose to abstain from voting when I realized there was no place to hang my cleats in the voting booth. Congratulations to Bruno-Pierre Pelletier, Jacob Peterson, Francois Deslauriers, and Marco Masciotra. All well-deserving guys who represent the division with class. But they know as well as anyone that their work has yet to begin…

 

Weekly Recap

 

Clockwork Ends Season On High Note

Marco Masciotra threw for 220 yards with 5 TDs and 1 INT on Sunday to cap off an already impressive Clockwork season with a win against a conference rival. The game was very close late in the first half, when Clockwork was up 21-18. Clockwork and Chili con Carne FFC exchanged 3 TDs each, with the difference being Clockwork’s ability to convert on extra points. It seemed as though the two teams were caught in a proverbial war of attrition, with the boys from Chili con Carne succumbing to scurvy first. Masciotra was exciting as ever, using his patented pump-then-bomb maneuver into the corner of the end zone (a move that will be henceforth referred to as “what Masciotra does when he decides it’s time to score”). The team in the taco-clad shirts was no pushover, however, only losing by 11 points to a team who’s been known to handle the best of them. P.A. Beauséjour continues to lead by example on offense, racking up big yards after catches. He complements his QB, Loic Savoiz-Seguin, who’s improved by leaps and bounds since the beginning of the season. Not simply in terms of numbers, but in the way he leads his offence with perseverance and more importantly, a smile.

 

Pandas Extinct

An entertaining late-season push by Punch Panda has left them on the outside looking in. They finish the season a disappointing 0-9-1 and last in their conference. Because of the potential playoff implications, their matchup against the Average Joes this past Sunday was all it was cracked up to be. Both teams’ passion was evident, as it was eerily similar to something you could watch on flickering channels late at night. One score was the difference by the final whistle, leaving both teams exasperated. This bumps the Joes up to 4-6 and sitting comfortably in 6th in Conference B. A very satisfactory result for a team that started 0-3. J.P. Mancini had a memorable game offensively and defensively with 5 receptions, 3 TDs, 1 INT, and a PD. He also found himself in two separate verbal altercations with Paolo and David Della Rocca, the latter turning somewhat physical. In talks with a visibly bothered Alex David of Punch Panda after the game, it was clear that David was disappointed with the unexpected attitudes and verbal jousting engaged in by both teams. David is known to be a quiet player (I’ve actually had a calm and civil conversation with him about when I once head-butted him in the chest during a Lockdown/Golden Eagles match last season) whose demeanor represents the league very well. A long off-season is the best recipe to let heads cool.

 

By The Numbers

Do we need all the channels we have on TV? Absolutely not. But we have them because some people like them. Just like this segment.

1.76: Percent of teams’ dropbacks resulting in a sack this week. Least all season.

3: Number of rushing TDs this week.

70/25: Ratio of TDs to INTs division-wide this week.

1: Number of pick-6’s this week.

7: Number of TD’s thrown by The Incredibles’ Andrew Funamoto. Best this week.

2: Number of QBs not to throw an INT in week 10. Jason Lachapelle and Simon Dagenais.

6: Number of receiving TDs for Marco Bertoldi of The Incredibles. Best. Ever. (I still think someone needs to speak to the scorekeeper…)

2.94: Average number of running attempts per team this week. Lowest all season. Week 1 had 4.17 attempts.

7: Number of QBs with ratings above 100 this week.

14.29: Percent of UFF’s Louis Blanchette’s passes which were intercepted. Highest this week. Only he and Patrick Manning were in double digits this week.

Always remember, though: the people on the field mean a lot more to this league than statistics ever will.

I figured I’d get all mushy on you guys since it’s week 10.

　　

First-Round Round-Up

(1) Vikings vs. (8) Le Zoo: Despite being an 8th seed, Le Zoo is no pushover. Equipped with Division D’s best defensive player in Francois Deslauriers, Le Zoo believes in itself. A bad loss to The Incredibles is not how they would have wanted to limp into the playoffs, however. Deslauriers notwithstanding, Graeme Carr (a possible “under the radar” pick for the all-star team) has no trouble throwing short and the Vikings are capable of mixing it up with QB sneaks and running plays. A fun matchup to watch will be safety Deslauriers against Vikings’ speedy deep threat, Mike Lafleur. These teams met in week 7, with the Vikings winning by 7. Again, it’s going to be closer than most expect, but the top-seeded Vikings should move on.

(2) Dragons vs. (7) UFF: In what should be the closest matchup in Conference A, Simon Dagenais (ranked 3rd in completions, 2nd in yards, T-2nd in TDs) will have to lead his offense against an undervalued UFF defense. But if anyone can do it, it’s Dagenais. Dagenais is helped by his plethora of capable receivers who include the likes of J.F. Fortier-Poulin (a formidable deep threat with sure hands), Hugo Lalonde (an elusive runner who’s hard to snag), and Antonin Desgents (who is unnaturally consistent and has picked up a TD in each of his last 3 games). UFF will answer back with gritty, grinding defense and the idea that they could be this season’s playoff surprise. These teams already met earlier in the season with the Dragons winning 24-7. However, UFF did not have starter Francois Raymond in at QB. Look for a much tighter score-line with the Dragons winning by a fire-breathing touchdown.

(3) The Incredibles vs. (6) Flying Comics: All the talk about whether or not Andrew Funamoto could lead The Incredibles is over. Having won two straight with Funamoto at the helm – including one 44-point explosion against a stout defense – has the naysayers stumped like the rainforest. The Comics are, however, underrated going into this game. They only lost by 2 points to The Incredibles in week 6. Leading the charge for them is Frank Grenier who is ranked 1st in completions, 3rd in yards, and T-2nd in TDs. Watch for Grenier to look for Sebastien Ravary early and often. Ravary has a knack for finding sweet spots between zones. Let’s see if he can do it again this week. That being said, I believe this is The Incredibles’ game to lose. The only reason they should lose is if their mistakes beat themselves. An early rhythm should push The Incredibles over the top.

 

(1) Clockwork vs. (8) Replacements: All signs here point to a breezy opening-round matchup for Giovanni Lanni and his Clockwork boys. The division’s two-way player of the year, the division’s most productive offense, a versatile Matt Kirouac, and a lopsided week 7 match would suggest this upcoming week is all but a formality for the orange orgasm known as Clockwork. And I would have agreed had I not seen a kink in their armor in week 8 against the Average Joes coupled with the fact I know any team with Mo Azab on it has the ability to learn from mistakes, adjust accordingly, and prepare for particular opponents on specific weeks. For those of you planning on skipping this game to go grab a hot-dog at Lafleur’s, don’t. In all likelihood, Clockwork will take this game. But I’m even more interested to see what the Replacements have up their sleeves (Or lack thereof. C’mon guys, biceps don’t buy you TDs.).

(2) Maximum Carnage vs. (7) Limetime: People surprised Maximum Carnage tied the Boozers for second most points in Conference B and earned 2nd by beating them in a head-to-head matchup don’t know anything about Maximum Carnage. Stacked with talent and never lacking on enthusiasm, Maximum Carnage has the right players in the right spots. Jason Lachapelle has been a standout at QB this season and is a big reason Maximum Carnage is where they are. Jeff Moscato transforms the deep zone into a veritable minefield as he dares opposing QBs to go deep. And who could forget heart-and-soul Bryan Mongeau. He’ll come up with the big play at the right time and look good doing it all at the same time. Mongeau and co. take on Limetime in week 1 of the playoffs. Limetime has had a below par season at 3-7 by their own standards. Surprising because of the Manning/Daoust tandem everyone expected to win them games single-(or in this case dual)-handedly. Admittedly, 12 of Manning’s 34 TDs (35%) and 46 of his 132 completions (also, 35%) have come courtesy of Daoust. But it just hasn’t won them games. Don’t expect Maximum Carnage to be intimidated by the behemoth wearing #18 in green. Look for a similar result as when these two teams faced off in week 9.

(3) Boozers vs. (6) Average Joes: The Boozers clobbered the Average Joes in week 7, but if there’s anything we learned about the Joes, it’s never to count them out. Ever since acquiring the nickname “giant-killers” (from me), no one is ever surprised when they sneak up on an unsuspecting team and give them a shock like that from a faulty electric razor. If it’s possible for them to beat The Incredibles and Clockwork, they can beat anyone. It’s going to take some of their patented magic, however, considering that the Boozers have QB of the year, Bruno-Pierre Pelletier, under centre. Pelletier has a 94.6 QB rating but is still underrated because of his enormous amount of rushing yards (412) and 8 rushing TDs (which ties him for first with Punch Panda QB Anthony Carbone) which don’t show up in the passing stats. Unfortunately, I’m afraid the clock has struck midnight on the Joes, and their horse-drawn footballs are about to turn back into the inflated pig’s bladder from which it was made.

(4) Les Affreux vs. (5) Chili Con Carne FFC: If you’re going to leave one game off your Mise-o-jeu ticket for this week, it’s this one. One tied game is all that separates these teams’ records and 4 points is all that separates their +/- point differentials. Their week 1 matchup was decided by 1 point. Both these teams are coming off 2-game losing streaks. Even their jerseys kind of look the same! Les Affreux have someone who I think should have gotten a lot of consideration for the division’s top defensive player in Yan Clément. Whereas Chili has someone who I think should have gotten a lot of consideration for the division’s top receiver in P.A. Beauséjour. Expect a hard-fought, but well-mannered game as both these teams show up to play on Sunday. I’m ready to flip a coin, but I won’t. I’ll pick the quick Mathieu Domon and Les Affreux by a hair. Follicle.

That’s it for the first round. Now all we have left to do is the boring part. Playing it out.

 

Remember, you’ve seen me on YouTube, so you know I’m real. Please don’t hesitate to write me at [email protected]. If pen-pals creep you out, come talk to me (I’m the one bothering the scorekeepers, refs, and president) on the sidelines. There’s nothing I love more than gabbing about games.