Royal Gingers, An Iffy Star Wars Reference and Ornery Cows

Peeze’s Playbook

By Paolo Della Rocca

Week 1

Victoria Day weekend is very important in my household. Many may think that the royal wedding featuring a prince and the ever foxy Meghan Markle would help us honour the birthday of Queen Victoria. This couldn’t be further from the truth.

While my amazing and beautiful fiancee awoke early enough that the sun had yet to rise so that she and my soon-to be mother-in-law could huddle up and watch the festivities, I awoke some hours later in an empty king size bed. I glanced over to where Natalia should be sleeping peacefully and wondered if she had been abducted by aliens before I realized she must have been up and watching the ginger prince give away half of his would-be soul.

Instead, on my Italian grandmother’s calendar, this is planting weekend. It is the weekend we need to plant tomatoes, herbs, eggplants and things of that ilk lest we expect a favourable harvest. So as Natalia watched a woman become a duchess (let’s forget the racial undertones that keep her form becoming princess), I celebrated my Journee des Patriotes knee deep in sheep manure (low in nitrogen high in phosphorus), shrimp compost and garden soil. While so much of the world felt admiration for a celebrity couple I turned earth and repaired failing tomato cages.

I guess it may have been the sense of loneliness that compelled me to write this introduction. Something so important to so many was less important than baseline physical labor. This is likely the same sense of solitude suffered by those who don’t earned when surrounded by hobby horticulturists like myself. But perhaps my reason for writing this was far more self-absorbed. Perhaps the reason was to excuse how late this article is coming out. Sorry y’all, it’s planting weekend.

Jawas Outlasted in Degenerate System

In my preseason article I didn’t offer serious analysis for Degenesaurus Rex. I didn’t do it because I didn’t like the guys or know the team. I just decided to have some fun with their clever team name. After week 1 however, it appears as though they may be a team to pay attention to for the rest of the season. Sean Martin’s first ever passes in FPF came in this game and expectations were low. Andrew Di Mele and Nick Kypriotis scored twice but it was Massimo Cannucci’s two sacks that truly helped pace the formerly DGC team in this game. A convert and a second half safety would be the difference in this one.

Olivier Goddard is a tall and disruptive rusher. However, it was he who was unable to find rhythm at the quarterback position. While half of his completions went for touchdowns, it also meant that he only completed 4 passes. Tyler Nurse caught 2 passes and led the team in receptions in what was a poor offensive showing. In the end, the game ended 15-12 Degensaurus Rex over Sandbaggers.

In the Clink

The Bruins looked great last season with the addition of Gabriel Wiseman at quarterback. Wise has used his mobility and intelligence to open defences up since his arrival. However, while rolling to his right and looking downfield, Gab Wiseman planted his foot and while Clinkers’ rusher Marc-Andre Blais went for the flag he rolled up on Gab Wiseman’s leg. Wiseman limped off and would not return as he sprained his ankle. Bruins would not recover and did not look the sam without their quarterback. Charles Verrault filled in admirably but did not put more than a single score and matching the output of Wiseman prior to his injury. Bruins would not bounce back and scoring only 12 points will not cut it against a prolific offence as Clinkers would go on to win the game 32-12.

Luis Begin continued to capitalize with his chemistry with quarterback Marc-Andre Desaulniers. His three touchdowns showed that he’s still one of the toughest receivers to cover in the division. The addition of Alexandre Jubinville has already begun to pay dividends. He scored one of 5 passing touchdowns. Marc-Andre Desaulniers got away with throwing a couple of passes into coverage. However, week one is thee week where a little rust is to be expected. A win inspire of rust is all one can hope for.

Lady-Bears Can’t Find Their Big Boy Pants

On the surface, this appears to be a story of some brave cross dressing bears. That could not be further from the truth however. That said, I don’t know these guys very well so some may be cross-dressers and some may be bears. I don’t judge. In his first start in FPF Antonio Spezia looked good if not entirely efficient. He was able to find his favourite target Anthony Cardillo 4 times but it was one half of the Barbusci twins who did the bulk of the damage for the ORSA offense. Michael Barbusci was as competitive as the day he raced out of the womb as both his touches led to scores. On most days, this would be enough to win games.

Zone 6 Ballers had their own plans. Jeansley Valbonard adapted well against an organized and intelligent defence and his incredible ability to move in the pocket and beyond was the difference in this game. He extended plays and added a rushing touchdown to his aerial strike. Alessandro Barazzoni added to the excitement with two receiving touchdowns and he swatted one pass away as well as intercepted a ball on defense. This combined with the fact that Evan Kuzyk provided little time as he rushed and disrupted the timing for opposing quarterback Antonio Spezia led to a 26-18 win for Zone 6 Ballers over Orsa.

Avocados Start The Season Ripe

In somewhat of an FPF freaky Friday situation, Jeremy White now finds himself in a situation where he is throwing to his usual FPF Quarterback Charles Olivier Lavinge. C-O Lavigne had himself a great day. Among his huge arsenal of routes his 10 yard out seemed unstoppable enrolee to a 5 catch 103 yard and 3 touchdown affair. EZW did not seem to be willing to offer an easy win to their opponents as they were in a tied game late (the score was 24-24).

On the other side of the divide, Joshua Vaquez would not be shaken…shook…shaked…he would not have shakes applied to him. It’s week one for everyone alright? With the game on the line on the last play of the game Joshua Vasquez found the elusive Thomas Zorko for his fourth touchdown of the day. His ability to work in space and given the opportunity at hand, I think Zorko will be someone who may win the receiver of the year award running away (mosly from defenders). As an afterthought, let’s mention Ilia Kravatsov. He caught the only other touchdown and I think any other Avocados will only ever get mentioned in this context with such a focus on Tom Zorko. The late game score would push Avocados over EZW by a score of 30-24.

Power Rankings

Each week Marc-Andre Desaulniers and I will rank the top 16 teas and provide a quick reason as to why we think so. In essence these are the teams we think will make up the division E-1 playoff. If we didn’t mention you here, its because we don’t think much of you. Step it up and show us why we should pay attention to you.

Pension Plan (1-0): PP return to potential prominence with Vince Pisano positioned to perennially preside over the division. That’s a lot of P’s for one sentence.
Clinkers (1-0): Marc-Andre Desaulniers returns after a very solid first season under his belt. I expect them to be a contender outright. His team is better than the winter offering and Desaulniers has come a long way in a short time.
Guardians (1-0): Mooooooooooooooo. Cows are scared of lightening seems cowardly for animals that live outdoors. Guardians are scared of competition; that’s why there in div E.
Los Avocados (1-0): Can we etch Thomas Zorko’s name on the receiver of the year trophy already?
GloGang (1-0): Arno Desjardins day was tainted by two interceptions. However, he earned yards on the ground and through the air and allowed the defence to carry him into victory.
Rancerz (1-0): I was a little torn about this team about this preseason. It seems as though they may be better than I thought. Ricardo Desrosiers scored twice and added an interception in week 1 as Rancerz smoked Jean Guy.
Los Banditos (1-0): Vincent Benjamin intercepted two passes in an defensive exhibition. LB didn’t score in the second half but they were so far ahead it didn’t matter.
Fighting Flamingos (0-1): One loss doesn’t have me worried yet. It’s a week 1 loss and Drew Keiller will be better. If he isn’t maybe FF can give Frankie Scalzo a ring.
Zone 6 Ballers (1-0): In gardening Zone 6 sees Broccoli and Brussel sprouts grow early in the growing season. In FPF it means early success. Jeansley Valbonard is probably the best dual threat quarterback in division E.
Amateurs des Sacks (1-0): They only recorded a single sack in week 1. It makes you think that maybe the team name means something else. That said, they only allowed 6 points so the defence was stout no less.
ORSA (1-0): These guys are new but they play with the poise and experience of an experienced FPF team.
Loyola’s Finest (1-0): A shutout is a big deal and this team is a big deal if George Spano is the full time quarterback (as he appears to be).
A-Side (1-0): Brendan Sabloff is probably the best utility player in the division. This is a nice team if they can keep playing the way they did in week 1.
Grinders (0-1): Their defence looks ready to compete. The offence is going to take a minute but, if they can steal a game or two here, Grinders will be relevant by season’s end.
Average Joe’s (1-0): Jesse St.James is yet another running quarterback. He is running an offence that is difficult to predict and can cause problems for many teams.
The U (1-0): We saw how good they can look when Evan Frank is playing great. Let’s see if he can continue this stellar level of play for the entire season.

Marc-Andre’s Top 16

GloGang : Ouf, quelle défensive! Lorsque l’attaque va avoir trouvé son rythme, ils seront extrêmement difficiles à vaincre.
Ducks : Wow, une victoire contre les champions en tire en lever de rideau ! Les frères St-Laurent et Patrick St-Martin ont été époustouflants en attaque.
Pension Plan : Lentement, mais sûrement, nos « retraités » préférés, font ce qu’ils font de mieux, soit gagner sur un terrain de football. Domenic D’Onofrio a très bien joué lors de la première partie.
Fighting Flamingos : Une défaite ne fait pas une saison, mais un petit avertissement pour nos champions en titre, la compétition sera féroce! Drew Keiller a de grands souliers à remplir!
The U : Leur défensive est tellement athlétique et robuste. Evan Frank est un quart-arrière très sous-estimé.
A-Side : Jared Buck a connu une partie « ordinaire » étant donnée son immense talent. Lorsque la rouille du début de saison sera derrière eux, A-Side aura la meilleure offensive de la division.
Los Banditos : Quelle belle façon de débuter la saison! Francis Desrochers, Vincent Benjamin et Loic Savoiz-Seguin doivent maintenant trouver une régularité et rien ne pourra les arrêter.
Guardians : Patrick St-Armand a été exceptionnel tout comme son trio de receveurs étoiles, Jordan Martineau, Kevin Marcil et Michel Ladouceur.
Loyola’s Finest : David et Nick Lombardi ont connu une partie du tonnerre!
Grinders : Malgré une défaite face à la meilleure équipe, ils m’ont démontré beaucoup de belles choses des deux côtés du ballon. Pierre Kalar sera à surveiller pour le joueur par excellence.
Vultures : Ils sont tellement athélitiques avecs les Luke Allman, Benjamin McMahon, Owen Bujarsky et Andel Thomas-Gordon. Bryan Harwood devra trouver une façon de les faire produire.
Rancerz : Guillaume Dagher et Riccardo Desrosiers ont connu un début de saison fantastique, une équipe à surveiller lors des prochaines semaines.
Los Avocados : Joshua Vazquez et Thomas Zorko ont une complicité hors de l’ordinaire.
Dude, Where’s the End Zone : Kevin St-Pierre et Chris Brockwell forment un duo de premier plan et Stefan Fennes évite les revirements.
Green Means Go! : « Premier wake-up call » de la saison. Shawn Mudrosky et Karim Yasmine, une petite tape sur les doigts ne vous fera que progresser.
EZW : Plus tôt que tard, cette équipe va faire des dommages, le temps que Jeremy Whyte s’adapte à sa nouvelle position de quart-arrière.

Sunday’s Seed Sowing

Week two has arrived and looks to illuminate the informed and uninformed. The season has started and teams are either undefeated or winless. This is sure to change as everyone looks to make a mark on the seaosn.

For further info on this division and the rest of the league feel free to tune into Calling the Audible where Moe Khan, Simon Dagenais, Eagle at Master Control and GM Koletheras will discuss topics such as planting eggplants in containers vs. Planting them in gardens, the best organic materials to promote vegetable growth and who has the sketchiest grass guy. Tune in to the Facebook page for more info about the podcast. Please feel free to reach me @peezefpf on twitter or @ Peeze Della Reeze on Facebook to let me know about the various ways in which I was wrong.