Peeze’s Playbook (Div 5) – Week 7

Intermittent illumination from a flickering streetlight pierces through my aged horizontals. Its warm glow is a stark contrast to the cold light emitted from my computer screen.  It’s late and all that’s left of my bottle is the ghost of whisky’s past and dreams of all but forgotten weeks lost in the madness of desire. For some teams, it was a case of big ideas, little results. For others it was…look at me, rambling on as if these were the memoirs of a washed-out, old gumshoe.  But I’ll tell you what; I still remember the first time I laid my eyes on her.

 

Nothing but trouble I tell you. Yet, she was worth the look. If there was a man in this world that would clam-up about it, you’d know he wasn’t being square.  With just a smile and a flutter of her eyelashes she had us all on the hook.  She was the Maltese Falcon. How can I speak of her in the past tense when, like each of you, she’s all I can think about. She is the stuff dreams are made of and her name is Hope. All of us took the field weeks ago and have thought of nothing but her sweet embrace as the post-season looms near.

 

With just a few short weeks ahead many teams are still in the hunt.  Scheming and planning, players from across this concrete jungle are doing what they can to catch one more glimpse and stay dizzy with that dame. But the others, they know the truth.  They keep playing because they know that only one team gets on that plane with Ilsa Lund.  The rest will hide on the lam until hope walks through that door again.

 

Weekly Overview

 

Won’t Get Fooled Again

 

Fools of the Country picked up their first win of the season this past week beating the Loose Cannons 31-30. Guiliman threw for two touchdowns and ran for two more and proved to be a headache for the Loose Cannons defense all game long.  His ability to move in and out of the pocket as well as spread the ball was evident as he hit all five different receivers and no one had more than 3 catches. 

 

With a quarterback rating of 120.0, JR Beausoliel had his best career start.  In fact this game between two basement dwellers proved to be exciting and came down to the final play with Beausoliel airing the ball out to the back of the endzone only to have it fall harmlessly out of the back of the endzone.  It was a heartbreaking loss but a well earned victory for FOTC.

 

Manatees Storm the Shores of Hamsterdam

 

The Manatees have won their first game.  After this one, the Hamsterdam Cornerboys cannot say the same.  Since we had our first female cohost on Calling the Audible a couple of weeks ago I felt as though it was particularly noteworthy that the Manatees have now played two games with a woman (MJ Tedeo) on the roster.  This isn’t the first time we see a woman playing in FPF (The Takers of div.5 had a female rusher last season).

 

And now for actual coverage of the game:

 

Perhaps the only way you can score 37 points when your quarterback completes no more than 5 passes is to get serious help from your defense. They did get that help as Tevyn Nicholls returned his two interceptions into touchdowns and added one on offense. This is a huge confidence boost for the Manatees and I hope to see them build on this for the rest of their season.

 

Lockdown Tighten the Screws on X-Men

 

For a team named after mutants with superpowers X-Men looked like they were mere mortals this week.  Gianfranco Ranaudo shredded the X-Men and threw for 4 touchdowns, bringing his season total to 27.  Lockdown’s big, bruising receivers Geoff Brown and Alex “Guert” Guertin earned 105 yards out of Ranaudo’s 149 yards. Lockdown seems to have put their early season troubles behind them and have now won 3 straight games.

 

Conversely, Guatama Swaminadhan struggled all game. The X-Men offense never seemed to get going. I have been talking about the absence of Abelhauser all season and watching them Sunday night, I can see that it has had a huge impact.  It seems like Swaminadhan looked lost without a legitimate go-to receiver.  In order to end this season somewhat positively Suhael Brohi needs to take the next step in becoming that number one target. Lockdown won this one 25-12

 

C’Mon Man!!!!

 

Jonathan Markris got suspended with only a few weeks left in the season, C’Mon Man! Loui Kastaniotis, gave up on a ball that he would have caught in stride had he continued running, C’Mon Man! Peter Kastaniotis wins a game at QB last week and in week 7 we see 3 players taking snaps, C’Mon Man!  

 

Ok, that’s out of my system.  There are a good mix of veterans and new players on C’Mon Man! and I fully expect them to recover from this.  That being said they are somewhat behind the proverbial eight-ball in a very tight playoff race.  Peter K led them to a win last week but threw an untimely pick with the game on the line this week.  I think that having a rotating door at quarterback is dangerous and I feel that this may have been a factor in his struggles.  Hopefully new recruit Travis Moses can bring some of his winning experience from his time with #NoRegard.

 

The Tyrants won 26-12 and until very late this was a one score game.  Toward the end I saw Jason Stephenson line up and I turned to scorekeeper GM Kolethras and said “He’s open if it’s a fly.” The ball was then snapped Stephenson streaked up the sideline and stood in the endzone alone until he was hit by a deep Niktaris pass.  That would be enough to put the game out of reach.

 

Dark Knights Rise, Then Fall, Then Tie…Again

 

Despite being up 15-0 with very little time left in the first half.  Captain Chris Rivest saw his bat-men let yet another victory slip through his team’s collective fingertips.  While the thought of what collective fingertips would actually look like disgusts me a great deal I can just imagine how the Dark Knights felt after that game. The Dark Knight himself, Bruce “Wayne” Candussi looked good early but threw two interceptions over the middle of the field in heavy traffic in key moments of this game. Combine that with a goal-line stand by the Love Cows defense and (apparently) you get a tie.

 

Yannick Doston had a solid game and seemed to play at an even higher level after an incredible, acrobatic catch at the back of the endzone by none other than Andrew Carruthers.  Not to be outdone by his fellow milk-producing teammate, Simon Lahaie made an awe inspiring catch of his own once the Love Cows offence was on the mooooove (had to do it, sorry).  In the end it would still not prove to be enough as the game ended in a 21-21 draw.

 

Dolphins Wreck Big Blue

 

Last week I made the claim that the Dolphins looked like they had thrown in the towel.  This week I can truly say that I was wrong.  Perhaps it is just that we media pundits are reactionary and overly present-minded.  We always seem to think that what we just saw was the greatest or worst thing ever just because we saw it most recently. Now that I’m done eating crow, I can talk about the game. 

 

John Papadimitriou has definitely taken strides and perhaps what I perceived was a last ditch effort to avoid humiliation is actually the development of a very good athlete into a winning quarterback.  Using his speed and athleticism combined with his knowledge of the game, John Paps (I’m just nicknaming everyone this week. No one is safe!) picked apart the Big Blue Wrecking Crew defense.  On the other side of the ball, Guillaume Bedard had a great game, snagging flags wherever he could and scoring on a pick-6.

 

This was a frustrating game for the Big Blue Wrecking Crew.  Typically reliable Ron Taylor never seemed to get it going and he was not helped at all by drops from many of his receivers.  Defensively, they seemed unable to contain the Dolphins running attack and their aggravation was evident.  Granted it is tough to keep one’s cool but at one point a line needs to be drawn.  This line was eventually drawn by the officials, when Severino Nappi was ejected from the game. I was not thrilled to see no.56 flagrantly shove quarterback John

Papadimitriou as he was heading out of bounds.  Games like this one are hard to digest, but brazenly hitting another player is never acceptable.  In any case Dolphins swim away with this one by a score of 37-20.

 

Late-Night Primetime at Stade Hebert

 

Something must have been in the air at the opening of Stade Hebert this past Monday night.  There were injuries on every field, as well as unnecessarily aggressive play and a lot of chirping between teams.  This game was no exception.  In every other way, this was an enjoyable, competitive game.

 

Simon Lafortune was doing ‘his thing’, moving the ball down the field and spreading the ball amongst his receiving core.  The main beneficiary of this meticulous offensive system has been Guillaume St-Amand and this week was no different as he pulled down 5 balls for 71 yards and caught a touchdown pass in the process. For much of the game the Maloudes looked to have the game under control. 

 

One may be prompted to ask, how did the Primes win 32-25 then?  Well Adamo Iadeluca + Tony Testa = magic.  Iadeuca hit his top receiver, Mr. Optimus Prime (Tony Testa) 8 times with three of those catches for touchdowns.  In fact, once the Primes got the ball after previously knotting the game up at 25, Iadeluca looked to Testa crossing over the middle and hit him with a strike to take the lead with just a couple of plays left. The Primes are still alive and kicking in this playoff race and look to make their move.

 

I Am Jack’s Cold Sweat

 

Project Mayhem beat Les Affreux by a final score of 13-12 and I don’t know if I learned anything about either team.  Having to go with Mathieu Dubois in Mathieu Domon’s absence proved to be a disaster.  Their defense looked strong but without Matty Demonic (Nickname Mathieu Domon…check) raising Cain Les Affreux’s offense looked flat. Dubois did perform admirably but Les Affreux seemed to be missing that spark that we are used to seeing from them.

 

Norman Bellemare did what he does well, neutralize the rusher (a very good one in Daniel Bellefeuille) and get rid of the ball quickly.  His smart reads and steady approach served the orange anarchists well.  However, an untimely interception late in the game and deep in Mayhem territory could have proven costly.  The Project Mayhem defense came up big and bailed out their big bird with a goal-line stand in the ensuing drive.

 

Centurions March Across the Rubicon, Leave With a W

 

In the final days of the Roman republic Julius Caesar marched his troops across the Rubicon.  This river, while small was very significant because it was considered to be the point of no return. A Roman General crossing this river with  his army would be committing an act of insurrection.

 

The Centurions came into the Stade Hebert (The home field for the St. Leonard Cougars) and were ready for war.  For weeks I asked what the Centurions would do when faced against a team that scored a lot of points.  There answer seemed to be to play their deft brand of tough, sound defense.  Their strategy paid off as they picked off Erminio Iadeluca three times.  On the offensive side of the ball Jean-Francois Clouthier was careful with the ball. They played to their strength and beat the Cougars 25-15.

 

The Cougars defense has been suspect all season and this game, blown coverage and other miscues (such as potential interceptions being dropped) plagued them from the start.  Despite solid performances from Kenny Charles, Patrick Petraroia, Gino Conforti and Joe Souza this season, Iadeluca seemed lost without his star receiver Matthew Preiss. Without Priess in the lineup until week 9, will we see the Cougars start to falter?

 

First Blood

 

Last week I was obsessed with top gun, it looks like this one is shaping out to be a Rambo week.

 

Marc-André Théberge apparently took offense when both Deeze and I neglected to mention him as a likely quarterback of the year nominee.  Throwing for 6 touchdowns in this one, Théberge marked his sixth 5+ touchdown game this season.  François Morin was easily the greatest benefactor of this as he caught 6 passes for 87 yards and a remarkable 4 touchdowns. 

 

The Young Bloodz are a somewhat inconsistent team.  They’re bad games are awful and this was no exception.  What bothered me a great deal was that while on defense players kept leaving their zones unattended and safeties allowed receivers to run by them.  This lack of discipline cost them.  Despite losing 42-31 this game was within reach for almost the entire 44 minutes plus ten plays.  Kevin Boustany ran for 3 touchdowns and put up an astonishing 111 rushing yards.  I like that he is starting to realize that his athleticism is a threat.

 

 

Power Rankings:

 

I never would have thought that by this point in the season we would have a four way tie for the lead in Conference B East.  Out of the 6 teams in that division we see 4 teams (Black Ice, Two and a Half Dans, Moose and Limetime) with 6-1 records.  In the final three weeks of the season, we see that 3 games are scheduled between these four teams.  It will be a hard-fought, anxiety war of attrition.  Personally, I can’t wait.  For now all 4 teams find themselves in the power rankings.

 

1. Checkmate- Anthony Carbone looks to have his legs back. His arm is and always has been elite and Checkmate have begun to put up points.
2. Moose- Haven’t lost since week 1 and they are looking like a well-oiled machine now.
3. First Downers- The biggest game on their schedule is takes place this coming week.  Beating TCO may have them climbing up the power rankings once again.
4. Black Ice- They’ve won tough defensive battles and shootouts.  Harvey’s gets you your hamburger the way you want it; Black Ice can beat you any way you want as well.
5. Turf Toe Inc.- Former quarterback of the year Kevin Lubin looked every bit the part easily handling a very tough Kingdom team. Happy Kevin seems to be back!
6. Two and a Half Dans- I worry that I may be becoming an old codger who refuses to recognize talent in new teams.  The Dans have played well but catching the Moose on week 1 and losing their only other big game (to Black Ice) has me a little uncertain about how the rest of their season will shape up.
7. Les Affreux- A loss without your starting quarterback; no reason to panic.
8. TCO- A two loss TCO (Toothless Criminal Operators) makes my power rankings again.  They are a really strong team that has the potential to blow teams out or suit up and lay an egg.  Hopefully we’ve seen the last of their slip ups or the next egg may hatch to reveal an early postseason exit.
9. Limetime- They’ve scored at least 30 points in each of their last four games. They look they are clicking at the right time.

10. Aces- Good record, however, I really don’t like their losses. They’re winning when they should but losing when they play difficult competition.

 

Other teams receiving votes (this segment is akin to a list of Price is Right mini-games not called Plinko.  These teams are also good but as of right now, they still aren’t Plinko.)

 

• Cougars- They did not look very good this week and they’ve dropped two straight games. They fall out of my top ten.
• The Hangovers- They will play as well as Pelletier does. At his best he is one of the top quarterbacks in the division (having thrown 75 touchdowns in his previous 2 seasons), at his worst he is a melting grape flavored Popsicle forgotten adjacent to one’s laptop.
• J’s- J’s bounced back after getting blown out in week 6. They lead their division but I believe they need to win out for that to happen.
• Ecurie Bar et Tables-Beating the Jaggerbombs is huge.  With three tough games ahead, last week’s win may be enough to propel them forward.
• Lockdown-The new look Lockdown are reminding everyone why they were considered a powerhouse in the pre-season.
• Jaggerbomb-I picked them to lose against Ecurie Bar et Tables. I had hoped I was wrong; I was not. 
• Centurions- I like their rugged defensive style.  Their offense is still questionable in my eyes.
• Project Mayhem- A one point win over a team with starting their back-up is weak.  They play three solid teams ahead and they will need to play better than they have in the past two weeks.

 

New Faces

 

Vincent Vincelli- Ecurie Bar Et Tables

 

Vincelli has been one of the lesser talked about players.  However, having played 4 games one could note that he has had multiple touchdowns in three of these games. Additionally, he is averaging more than 26 yards a catch and Ecurie has not lost when Vincelli has scored.  Team captain Anthony Bozzo said of Vincelli “He’s such a natural! (Vincent) Never touched a football before a couple months ago and now he’s making me look so good…He gets his great speed from drinking 2L of espresso every day” Essentially his teammates have seen this Football virgin transform into the caffeinated superhero his team has learned to count on. We should see him continue to be a major contributor if Ecurie Bar et Tables truly expect to be a contender.

 

The League of Really Ordinary Gentlemen

 

This is the worst week of my life.  The Eagle is beating me at something.  The fix must be in.  This league has been compromised; there is no way this can be true.

 

Ok I’ll have to accept that he has bragging rights over me this week.  I have no doubt that I will end up victorious.  He can have the battle but the war will be mine.

 

Teams:

 

Pos.	G.M. Koletheras Dances with Love Cows	Peeze The Big Poppa Peezes	Simon Dagenais Dragonateurs	The Eagle Birds of Prey
QB.	(1)Doug McKernan (Aces)	(1) Mark Andre Theberge (First Downers)	(1)Frederic Morrissette (Moose)	(1)Joe Taylor (Two and a Half Dans)
QB.	(7)Mathieu Domon (Affreux)	(5)Simon Duchesne (Jaggerbomb)	(2) Shawn Lafortune (Les Maloudes)	(5) Brad Puklicz (Kingdom)
WR	(2)Tony Testa (Primes)	(2) Matthew Priess (Cougars)	(3)WR: Alexandre Chasse (Js)	(2)Michael  Carbone (Checkmate)
WR	(3)Frederic Fortier (First Downers	(3)Dave Daoust (Limetime)	(5)Jonathan Frate (Big Blue Wrecking Crew)	(3)Jonathan Legault (First Downers
WR	(4)Anthony Da Ponte (Black Ice)	(6)Alex Haddad (Young Bloodz)	(6) Simon Lahaie (Love Cows)	(4)Derek Daoust (Aces)
WR	(5)Andre Frederick (Tyrants)	(7)Patrice Clement (The Hangovers)	(7)Niel Etinson (Bearskins)	(7) James Nowakowski (Prj. Mayhem)
WR	(6)Emilio Cecere (Kingdom)	(8) Alex Lewis (Speed Demons)	(8) Akeem Hoyte-Charles (TCO)	(8) Suhael Brohi (X-Men)
DEF	(8)Checkmate	(4) Defense: Kingdom	(4) Turf Toe Inc	(6)Jaggerbomb
Scoring	1085.7	1115.3	936.7	1158.7

 

*For information bout scoring please refer to Week 5 of my article, Peeze’s Playbook.

 

Reflections Rants and Ravings

 

• With two teams taking the field made up of almost entirely Hellenic players (C’Mon Man! vs. Tyrants) is there a benefit to calling audibles in Greek?
• Hebert opened its doors to host FPF games this week, albeit 7 weeks late.
• If the Eagle at Master Control was a Ninja Turtle he would be Donatello, because he ‘does machines’.
• Only two winless teams remain; hopefully none will before the season is done.
• The members of the Love Cows don’t actually produce milk.  Who knew?
• Forgot to mention Moose receiver Yann Drouin as a potential candidate for receiver of the year on last week’s Calling the Audible. It’s a huge oversight since he now has 13 touchdowns in 7 games.
• Apparently a face-bow is a piece of dental equipment.  I always thought it was an alternate name of a feathered Velociraptor. This guy: (http://www.cryptomundo.com/wp-content/uploads/dei_head1.jpg)
•  This week’s call-out is Junior Spera.  You aren’t going to earn anything by yelling at the opposing teams bench. Play your game man.
• First Downers and Aces both have scored 267 points, most in Division 5.
• Week 7 ended on Tuesday only to give way to week 8 a day later.  This schedule is killing me.  Only Project Mayhem and the Cougars have it worse playing on back-to-back nights.

 

Predictions

 

Simon Dagenais ([email protected] /@SimonFPF) must have phoned his team, the Dark Knights and asked them to tie because with that tie he once again beat me by 1 pick.  My awesome 17-7 was only slightly beaten by his fluky 18-6. Simon has been a far tougher adversary than I had expected him to be and his record this season is 97-47.  By comparison my record seems paltry standing at 89-55.  As always my picks are below and in bold.

 

Project Mayhem vs. Crooklyn Dodgers

Les Albatros vs. Les Affreux

Cougars vs. BearSkins

Team Ethnik vs. Lockdown

Dark Knights vs. Roughnecks

Aces vs. Manatees

Warhawks vs. Limetime

Black Ice vs. Moose

Les Maloudes vs. Jaggerbomb

Tyrants vs. Young Bloodz

Centurions vs. C Difficile

C’Mon Man vs. Pendant Publishing

Golden Girls vs. Kingdom

J’s vs. Overthrowners

Fools of the Country vs. Two and a Half Dans

TCO vc. First Downers

Those Guys vs. Hamsterdam Cornerboys

Turf Toe Inc. vs. Ballz Deep

Flying Comics vs. Speed Demons

Loose Cannons vs. Warriors

Love Cows vs. Green Lantern Corps

X-Men vs. Venom

Dolphins vs. Hangovers

Primes vs. Ecurie Bar et Tables

 

Playoff Picture

 

Well, it killed me to have to cross some names off the board but for The Hamsterdam Cornerboys and the Roughnecks they no longer have a chance to make the playoffs.  However, while competing for the trophy is fun, playing spoiler can be just as fulfilling.

 

Conference A		Points	Wins	+/-	Divisional
1	First Downers	12	6	97	1-0
2	Cougars	10	5	77	2-0
3	Jaggerbomb	10	5	28	2-0
4	Green Lantern Corps	8	4	37	1-1
5	TCO	10	5	86	2-0
6	Project Mayhem	10	5	52	2-0
7	Les Affreux	10	5	21	2-0
8	Centurions	10	5	36	1-1
9	Ecurie Bar Et Tables	10	5	15	1-1
10	Primes	9	4	-11	1-1
11	Les Albatros	8	4	11	1-1
12	Lockdown	8	4	-22	0-2
13	Dark Knights	8	3	-15	1-1
14	Crooklyn Dodgers	7	3	-55	0-2
15	Young Bloodz	6	3	23	2-0
16	C’Mon Man!	6	3	-20	2-0
17	Les Maloudes	6	3	-3	0-2
18	C Difficile	6	3	-8	0-2
19	Tyrants	4	2	-2	1-1
20	Team Ethnik	4	2	28	1-2
21	Love Cows	3	1	-33	1-1
22	Venom	3	1	-116	0-2
23	X-Men	2	1	-69	1-1
24	BearSkins	2	1	-74	0-2
25	Roughnecks	0	0	-159	0-2

 

 

Conference B		Points	Wins	+/-	Divisional
1	Checkmate	14	7	106	2-0
2	Black Ice	12	6	49	2-0
3	Turf Toe Inc	11	5	60	2-0
4	J’s	10	5	22	2-0
5	Limetime	12	6	131	1-1
5	Moose	12	6	131	1-1
7	Two and a Half Dans	12	6	102	1-1
8	Aces	10	5	55	1-1
9	Kingdom	8	4	17	2-0
10	The Hangovers	8	4	23	1-0
11	Big Blue Wrecking Crew	8	4	-4	1-1
12	Speed Demons	7	3	29	1-1
13	Flying Comics	7	3	23	1-1
14	Those Guys	7	3	30	0-2
15	Overthrowners	6	3	-37	1-1
16	Ballz Deep	6	3	-39	1-1
17	Warriors	6	3	-27	0-2
18	Golden Girls	4	2	-9	1-1
19	Pendant Publishing	4	2	-29	1-1
20	Warhawks	4	2	-40	1-1
21	Dolphins	4	2	-65	1-1
22	Loose Cannons	2	1	-93	1-1
23	Fools of the Country	2	1	-72	0-2
24	Manatees	2	1	-150	0-3
25	Hamsterdam Cornerboys	0	0	-137	0-2

 

* This chart and anything else that could be construed as factual appears in this article thanks to the Eagle at Master Control.  Years from now he will start a company called Cyberdyne, a software development company that will eventually create a global defense network called Skynet.  Shortly after that the Skynet Funding Bill will be passed.  All human decisions will be removed from strategic defense.  The Eagle will be the end of us all.

 

Weekly Wrap-up

 

So, have any rants, reflections or ravings of your own? I want to hear them, or read them in any case so email me at [email protected] or tweet me @PeezeFPF. 

 

For additional coverage tune in or subscribed to ‘Calling the Audible’, available via iTunes or at http://fpf.podomatic.com. It’s quick, free and unlike the iTunes Terms and Conditions, signing up will not transfer ownership of your soul and/or naming rights to any unborn children. This week join this week’s co-host, GM Kolethras (pending confirmation) and I as we discuss topics related to div. 5 and ever-important eyebrow maintenance.  Jaggerbomb Marc-Andre Nguyen will be calling in this week and this week’s musical theme is: All Along the Battlestar.