Peeze’s Playbook: A Confusing Canada Day, an Introduction and Too many References to The Office

Canada Day is upon us and week 1 is in the books.  While I do want to introduce myself to division E and launch into recaps, power rankings and surround it with my particular brand of nonsense, I do want to start on somewhat of a serious note.  

For years, Canada Day has meant drinking beers in the sun and consuming so many hot dogs that my blood/sodium level would run closer to a potato chip than any living person. However, when the news broke of the unmarked graves of what now appears to be 182 indigenous children who attended Canadian residential schools.

It’s become clear to me, as I live in Montreal surrounded by people of diverse backgrounds and faiths that my Canadian experience is not the same as others.  What Canada, Canada Day and the Canadian flag mean to me, is not necessarily what it represents for other people.  So, the question that it has pushed me to ponder is, how can I reflect on my identity as a Canadian and how can I honor those whose tragic deaths were brought upon whilst building a nation and through religious assimilation?

There are strong takes on both sides.  Arguing as fervently as the Lebron v. Jordan debate we have seen a plethora of strong opinions. There are those who believe we should “cancel” Canada Day and that it should no longer be cause for celebration. The notion is that patriotism is often a cloak for nationalism which in itself is a veil for atrocities. The opposing view is that celebrating Canada is important and that we, several generations later aren’t to blame for the acts of our forefathers.

I believe that this is something that needs to be handled with more subtlety. The answer, as it is with most things, lies somewhere in the middle.  I am a proud Montrealer, Quebecois and Canadian.  However, being proud does not mean that I’m also indignant or blind to our past.  We were a country that was built upon religious missions and forced immersion.  We are also a country that has since grown vastly due to immigration.  Our history, while shared, is also varied.  I’ve learned that when communities are in pain the literal LEAST thing we can do is listen.  It costs nothing to listen. We may never truly understand each other’s experiences but we can be sympathetic, we can be empathetic, caring and we can be accountable.  

Accountability as a citizen is just as it is in Football.  Recognizing flaws, mistakes and in this case tragedy doesn’t make you less patriotic. Caring about your country should mean always striving for it to improve. 

New Season; Who Dis?

Division E is as exciting as it is difficult to cover. Every year we have a mix of established FPF franchises who are striving to earn their first championship before moving on to the next challenge and ustart teams looking to set the league ablaze. For this reason, as the head of FPF media, I often specifically choose to write the division E article.  It is a challenge but it is absolutely intriguing.

However, while the division is still unknown to me, because of the prevalence of new teams, team names and players, I am still relatively unknown to the division.  So my name is Paolo Della Rocca. For reasons that have been lost through history most people know me as Peeze. Perhaps it was the first words of a toddler who struggled with the pronunciation of my name or perhaps it was that my brother changed my facebook account name when I had left my computer unattended at a time where internet security was far more quaint.  We may never know.

However, I started interacting on the community forum (our FB page/group) under this pseudonym and shortly thereafter, there were more people who knew me by that name than my given one.  I’ve played in the league for 10 years. I started in what was the lowest division at that time (Div D).  My first team Punch Panda is largely regarded as one f the worst teams in the history of FPF. We went 0-9-1 and if FPF were as competitive then as it is now we would have gotten smoked by anyone in this division.  Before long, we were 10-0 and a year later I played in what has been, to date, my only championship game.  

Those who have played here before know, this isn’t a beer league. This isn’t the kind of rec league where you can just show up and expect instant success due to athleticism alone.  FPF is competitive.  There is however a strong community and the point of the Punch Panda story is simply that if you get off to a weak start, don’t worry, the learning happens quickly and the process is a blast.

As a league, FPF prides itself on its competition.  We have weekly articles, podcasts that can be found on YouTube, Facebook and wherever you consume podcasts aurally.  We also feature a Game of the Week as well as nightly clips on our Instagram stories. We invite you to enjoy all the content because we create it for you. Often, you may see stories that ask for engagement from you folks.  Please do send your input as we are always looking to make this as immersive and community friendly as possible. Also, if you do have footage of your game. Great catches, incredible throws, sick picks, do tag us so we can repost, download and use them in our other media.    

Finally, if you see me at the field and want to talk about your game, feel free to chat me up. I’m always down to talk about FPF. This is a challenging writing assignment so the more I know about your teams the better I will be able to cover your team.  If you don’t see me and want to reach me directly to tell me I should have picked your team. DM me at one of the following.

Facebook: Peeze Della Reeze

Twitter: @PeezeHSS

Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls is the best song ever written for Nic Cage @talkhoops

— PeezeHSS (@PeezeHSS) June 28, 2021

Instagram: @pdellarocca 

Musings, Ramblings, Lies and Other Assortments

• I guess I must have answered a question on Quora years ago because they keep hounding me. How is that site even still alive. I would have figured that internet butler Ask Jeeves would have escorted them to obscurity.
• A lot of people may not know this but one of the most important names in touch and flag football is Dave Allen of Green Means Go.  His involvement in Kirkland touch, being a championship winning coach in FPF Jr. and the development of FPF’s 35+ division and being the first standard bearer as a model snapper in FPF is a ton of accolades.
• I’m not sure if les Chevaliers de Rohan are in any way related to the local theatre troupe. If they are, they should hit me up. I’m a patron of the arts and, after a year with no Opera/plays/museum visits, I’m ready to get my Dr. Fraiser Crane on.
• Pincellos Vince Romano has an old school QB name. I’d 100% draft him in Madden if he was CPU generated.  However, his play needs to live up to the legend that I’ve created in my head…that no one else knew about until now.
• For those who don’t know FPF’s Lance Daniel has put together a documentary on one of FPF’s teams (#NoRegard). While it is centered on one team it does show the experience of an FPF team, player staffer and media member.

• I haven’t watched Disney’s The Bad Batch yet. I’m still rewatching The Clone Wars and am approaching the final season. Once that’s done The Bad Batch is next in queue. Watch for too many references to the show in upcoming articles.
• It’s summer, melons are in season. Are the Melons the team of destiny?
• Quatrium FFC, yet another team with a team name that makes me realize that I’m not nearly as smart as I think I am.
• Do gas stations run TV commercials anymore?  They went from offering wicked Batman Forever glasses to realizing their only competitive edge was location.
• If it weren’t for auto correct I would never use the word queue.
• Incredible Thoughts: Olivia Newton Spawn.
• Vincent Benjamin in Divsion E seems like chicanery to me!
• When you call your team Save the Turftles, know that auto-correct will own you and at some points in future articles you will be called Save the Turtles.  However, that’s a nice message so I’m less frustrated.
• The return of normal Red Zone regulations, mandatory new flags that favor offense, teams-stats and convert stats, and so many plans for our media team. Moeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee… FPF IS BACK!!!
• The kid on Tik Tok with the Chicken and Waffles can f%@k right off.

Memories, Hallucinations and Observations (editor’s note: Why can’t you just say recaps Peeze?)

Raindance Matty

FPF royalty the Rainmakers have remade their team that once stood amongst titans in division 1/A. The team left behind many of their stalwart brethren and have exchanged quarterbacks from Ryan to brother Derek Kastner. The latter Kastner has a depth of FPF knowledge and despite an up-and-down fall run started to show real signs of improvement as an FPF QB before the season was interrupted.  The knowledge helps but the focus and execution is what it will take to see success in a relatively new position. 

All things considered, this wasn’t the cleanest game from Derek Kastner. He did not complete any of his first 4 attempts and would not end the game with a completion percentage of over 50%. I’m sure you’re wondering if there was a more concise way to write that and certainly there is but, clearly, I’m being paid by the word. The targets were generally well divided which shows some growth from the developing QB.  In fact it was Matt Parent who led the team in catches and Nick Prockow who led the Rainmakers with two touchdowns. The two scores by Prockow came as efficiently as possible, turning both catches into scores.

Across the field was yet another iteration of the oft used Balls Deep team name.  Unable to dodge, wrenches, balls or defenders rookie Quarterback Michael Hiotis completed only 5 passes to teammates while giving 3 interceptions to what looks to be a stout Rainmakers defense.  This was a rough outing considering Hiotis hit Massimo “pay that man his” Moniz for a touchdown only two plays after forcing a four and out by the Rainmakers. To think that this would be 20% of the teams completions for the entire game could not have been foreseen from the outset. Other than the early turnover on downs, Balls Deep would never return to the redzone for the remainder of the game en route to a 18-6 loss.

Blasted Start

We discussed a team with FPF pedigree that got off to a good start but this isn’t always the case. FPF is forever evolving, flag football is being played by kids at a younger age and FPF junior provides a pipeline into the adult league.  The more experienced teams often realize they’ve lost the advantage of knowledge and this is doubly true for experienced teams who have been away from the fields for a few seasons.

FPF funnyman Frank Grenier is a man I met in my first FPF game. My team was young (except for me), fast (except for me) and green (myself included). Despite getting off to a hot start Frank Grenier would eventually lead his team back with the composure that it takes a stand up comedian to stand behind a mic and stare down a pack of drunken patrons armed and ready with tomatoes at their sides and lead his team back. This is a game where the advantage went to those who would affirmatively answer Jimi Hendrix’s ageless question with regards to experience.

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However, this ain’t 2011 anymore and any notions that this was Kansas has been long since been swept in the tornado that is Les Mythiques.  After testing the waters with some short completions, Etienne Cantin would hit Antoine Ouellet with a 31 yard strike and shock Blast From the Past like Marty McFly being hit on by his mom after an early morning, butterfly effecting concussion.  It wasn’t all coming up Cantin to be clear. Early in the game he was baited by his opposing pivot and Frank Grenier himself created the first turnover of the game. Moments later, on the following play Grenier took advantage of a reeling Les Mythiques and hit Adrien “Le Bouef Francais” Dusautois for a 20 yard touchdown.

The next drive would lead to Cantin’s second mistake when Hai Minh “Baby You Can Sell Me Gloves” Luong recorded Blast from the Past’s second interception of the game.  This mistake would not prove costly as it wouldn’t lead to points.  Then, with all of the poise I saw in Grenier a decade ago, Cantin settled in and turned in a performance worthy of the name Les Mythiques.  Cantin would throw no more than 6 incompletions the rest of the way out. Taking advantage of mismatches he found holes in the defense and threw touchdown passes to Gabrielle Villemure and one each to Alexandre Leclerc and Joel Laberge. When he couldn’t do it through the air it was accomplished on the ground as Etienne Cantin added 69 “nice” rushing yards. The key to winning this close game by a score of 31-25 was efficiency; Les Mythiques were 75% on third down and converted the only fourth down they saw.  Perhaps even more impressive was their ability to score on every redzone opportunity they were given. 

Week One Schoolin’ 

Some team names are simply inappropriate due to their lack of decency.  Other teams names are inappropriate for reasons I find intriguing. Oscar’s Hockey School is exactly that.  They aren’t offensive or anything, it’s just a bizarre thing to name your flag football team. I started thinking of what things were also inappropriately named. I’ve started a list:

• Fanny Packs should be Gut Packs
• Original Flavored chips are the least Original flavor of all
• The Dodge Caravan looks nothing like a group of people
• The Diner in Gilmore Girls is called Williams Hardware (when married you make Netflix compromises)
• Hard Seltzer is both liquid and low in alcohol content

But I digress…

Sometimes you go to work and it just sucks. Everything is difficult. Other days the problems your confronted with are easy to resolve, everything falls into place and someone brought donuts. Well the Brewers QB Jeffery Lefebvre was out delivering donuts all day to Oscar’s Hockey School.  Despite the early touchdown from Lefevbre to Eddie “Six Flags” Laronde that actually gave the Brewers an early lead, the malted gentlemen would go flat sooner than imagined.

The rest of the day was an easy day at the office for Oscar’s Hockey School.  With no reference to who Oscar is, I’m assuming it’s Oscar Nunez’s character from NBC’s now classic comedy The Office.  Hmmmmmmm, perhaps that’s why I can’t stop referring back to my workplace analogy from earlier in this recap. Jeff Lefebvre was rusty and he only completed 6 passes all game. This led to short fields for the opposition and AJ Zeppetelli would be the greatest benefactor scoring a trio of touchdowns. Samuel Di Tiello and Chrys Voutselas turned their two catches into additional touchdowns in what would be a tilted game from fairly early on. Perhaps inspired by Chris Paul’s defense on Paul George in game 5, but it was the Brewers who looked like they were on skates in a 30-7 rout against Oscar’s Hockey School.

I didn’t even know I’d end it there.

I’m as shocked as you are.

Sometimes these articles are more of a stream of consciousness thing.

Seriously, who wears a fanny pack on their ass?

Milk’s Favorite Team

Yo, I love Oreos.  As far as prefab boxed cookies go, they are elite. Cookie crunch, cream filling, milk and/or coffee absorption on a top tier level…what else is there in life?  But there’s too many terrible flavours of Oreos.  I can f&%k with some: Birthday Cake Oreos are surprisingly good (especially since I don’t even like cake!) Mint Oreos are basically crunchy After Eight but I’m down and the Winter White Chocolate covered one may be the best stomach ache I have every year. But here’s the deal: Double Stuffed just takes a hammer to the ideal proportions and ruins this otherwise godly mana. Peanut Butter Oreos, you’re not Reese’s all you do is take two things that get stuck on the top of your mouth and offer no relief. Finally, foh with blonde Oreos.  It’s trash and they look like Old Yellar’s Dog Biscuits.   

We’ve talked some about new teams but Oreos are a different breed. Zac Brown Band would call this team home grown. They are upwardly moving from FPF Jr. into the Adult league. Sure, the speed and physicality is different in the Men’s league but you can tell Jaeden Edghill as an example is ready to play.  He tallied 99 yards, 2 touchdowns and hauled in 4 of 5 targets. On the defensive side of the ball Dylan Blumer would act as both the cookie and the cream as he recorded a sack, a PD an int and a safety that would lead to a 40 yard touchdown pass from Justin Charles to Jaeden Edghill.

The game would end 34-19 but the 9 point swing offered after Frederic Dore would take a sack in the endzone would be the turning point for this game.  Oreos handled The Bad Batch from that point on and moving forward they may need to clone some offense because Alonso Guevara scored all three of the team’s touchdowns. Given the Bad Batch’s paltry conversion rate on third down (33%), it’s no wonder the team found themselves behind the eightball the rest of the game.  The Bad Batch looks to rebound against the Ravens in week 2 and that is a tall order.  

Visions of the World of Tomorrow (editor’s note: Come on Peeze, just say that these are your picks.

Every week I’m going to select straight up winners.  I’m not saying you should start an underground gambling ring where you bet on FPF games but if you do, here’s who’s taking home a W and putting it the medicine cabinet this week (my picks are in bold):

			Trailer Park Boys		Green Means Go!
			Ball’s Deep		Pincellos
			Oscar’s Hockey School		Suicide Squad
			Menace II Sobriety		Oreos
			Rainmakers		Les Mythiques
			Blast from the Past		Les Chevaliers Du Rohan
			Save The Turftles		Ravens

Declarations of Bravado (Editor’s Note: Peeze, ffs It’s a power ranking)

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1. Ravens (0-0): Ravens fall into that category that I described of teams who we have a sense of but still haven’t played a game. Had I written a preseason article I would have declared them as the favorites to win it all. Mathieu and Joel Houle are really tough to deal with in a vacuum but adding McGill’s Kamba Katchelewa is just dirty pool.
2. Oreos (1-0): Week one was very impressive.  Week two they take on a more experienced Menace II Sobriety. I’d like to see how QB Justin Charles handles that.
3. Dilly!Dilly! (1-0): As far as understated 5 TD performances go, this was the epitome with Jermie Ledoux taking charge behind centre.Why aren’t they higher? Maybe next time reference a better beer with your team name!
4. Suicide Squad (0-0): I’m not sure who’s throwng for SS because the “Smiling Terror” Alex Noel’s qb rating is above the division’s maximum by 3.9. However, whoever it will be will benefit from having Noel and Gabriel Wiseman amongst others in what looks to be an offensive behemoth.
5. Trailer Park Boys (0-0): Maybe it’s my affinity for Poke (honestly check out Kame in La Centrale!) but I’m a fan of these Sunnyside natives. Antoine Meunier has learned a lot in his few seasons at quarterback and their aggressive brand of defense should generate a ton of turnovers for this team.
6. Oscar’s Hockey School (1-0): Wasn’t Michael Scott the better skater? Oscar’s gotta change his name.
7. V-Town (1-0): Led by Jason Cassandra who is already filling up the stat sheet V-Town look ready to grind out some wins.
8. Les Mythiques (1-0): Every once in a while a team arrives in FPF and seems absolutely intriguing from jump street.  This is the one for me. Putting up 281 yards in your debut is jaw dropping.  Consider my jaw ajar! I need to get out to catch Gabriel Villemeure in person!
9. Rainmakers (1-0): Ok, so this is one that will make me look incredibly stupid.  I see it coming but I can’t stop myself. The team is solid and is much improved already. The defense looked GREAT (read in Tony Tiger voice; realize how dated a reference that is?) in week 1. Christian McGuire has already announced his presence with an interception.  However, they only put up 18 points with 3 interceptions. That’s worrisome.
10. Blast From the Past (0-1): Week one had this aging group look a little timey-wimey-wibbly-wobbly. However, I have faith that Frank Grenier and co. will do their best Taylor Swift impressions and shake off the rust.

Denouement

Week 1 is in the books and my goodness does it feel good.  It is hot and muggy and some days your blood feels like it’s cooking your skin from the inside out. However, the touch of a cold FPF championship trophy in Brossard on Roadshow weekend will do just the trick to make it all worthwhile for one Division E team.  For those who have any thoughts, commentary or complaints, I am very easy to find.  I’m @peezehss on twitter, @pdellarocca and Peeze Della Reeze on facebook.  You can also take a chance by emailing me at [email protected] but I don’t check it because it’s a death trap of junk emails all trying to sell me hair and penis growth solutions.  I really need to use incognito mode.

Remember that each week you can join the party on Facebook live or at www.youtube.com/flagplus on our weekly podcast: Calling the Audible.  We are still trying to figure out when the shows will be available and how to get it live on air.  

Till next week, I want to thank you falettineme be mice elf agin!